


since we're falling anyway

by aspirins



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Age Difference, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Best Friends, Consensual Underage Sex, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, idk how 7/11s work, sorry for this pos, what's a casino?, why did i specifically give jooheon a 2010 honda accord?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspirins/pseuds/aspirins
Summary: Jooheon tries to fix things with Minhyuk while Kihyun finds out there are some things that can never be fixed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> every time you see a line of ﹌'s, the narrative has switched, it goes back and forth, sorry if it's hard to follow! part 2 is a lot better because i went over it more times, so i apologize and thank you for reading to the end <3 comments and kudos are always appreciated!

“Life sucks.”

“You know what else sucks?”

“Don’t say your-”

“Your mom.”

“Godfuckingdamnit.” Kihyun groans and smacks Changkyun who’s laughing almost robotically. His eyes are glassy and his movements too slow to catch the bottle of whatever that slips out of his hand and onto the floor, spilling. “Dude! That shit _smells_ , my mom is going to freak.”

Changkyun picks the bottle up, not that there was any point, it was definitely empty now. “Does it matter?” The younger boy slurs. For a seventeen year old, Changkyun was very good at handling his alcohol. That would be if he hadn’t just drank most of whatever he was having tonight. Or should he say today. It was only ten. In the morning.

“Of course it fucking matters you piece of shit. Unlike you I have people who come home and expect something of me.” Kihyun doesn’t mean all of that. Well, most of it. Changkyun was kind of a piece of shit, but he was Kihyun’s piece of shit. “Guess this is karma for dating a fuck like you.”

Changkyun tilts his head. “You wanna fuck?” Kihyun gets off the bed. Their bed. Changkyun has been ‘sleeping over’ for two months now. 

He grabs a rag from the bathroom and gets on the floor to put it over whatever was now seeping into the carpet. At least this time it was a clear liquor. Last time it had been a deep red and if you looked under the bed you’d see the stain. Kihyun had rearranged his room to hide that one.

“No, that’s- that is _not_ what I said.” Kihyun sighs and stands back up, deciding to just let the rag soak up as much as possible before adding any cleaning product. Changkyun is giving him some sort of look when he makes eye contact, the kind he knows makes Kihyun want to kiss him, but no. Kihyun needs to not give into him, especially when he comes home and Changkyun’s already drinking.

“What’s wrong? Come here Kihyunnie.” Changkyun says tiredly. Kihyun crosses his arms, Changkyun sits up. “Come here. I’m sorry baby, please come here.” Changkyun pulls Kihyun into his lap, kisses falling all over his face.

“No!” Kihyun bites his lip to keep from smiling. He needs to be angry right now, less lenient. “Lemme go!” Kihyun ‘tries’ to get away, but Changkyun holds him tight, head buried in Kihyun’s neck. “You’re tickling me!” Changkyun lifts him up, throwing him on top of the bed.

“Forgive me.”

“No.”

“I’ll tickle you.” Changkyun threatens. Kihyun gives up.

“Fine,” Changkyun smiles, and for one moment Kihyun pretends his boyfriend doesn’t smell like vodka when he leans down for that kiss he wasn’t supposed to give. “but please Changkyun, please don’t drink anything tomorrow. We have somewhere to go, okay? I’ll forgive you if you don’t, alright?”

Changkyun kisses him again, Kihyun pulls away. “Got it, none tomorrow. Going places. Now can we fuck?” 

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Make it quick, I don’t know when my mom’s coming back.”

They end up taking their sweet time.

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Minhyuk blows smoke at the ceiling, Jooheon glares from his spot on the couch. “Can’t you smoke outside?” Minhyuk shrugs. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Why do you like hanging out with me so much if you know I’ll be smoking? This isn’t anything new.” Minhyuk says, putting it out against the coffee table. It makes a mark, but the wood is covered in so many just like it that it doesn’t stand out in the least.

Jooheon has only been working on this kid for a week, but he was already asking so many questions. _‘Who are you?’ ‘Did my parents send you?’_ He knew it wouldn’t be long before Minhyuk found out the truth, that he was supposed to come here and gather enough evidence to make a convincing case against Minhyuk’s parents. To get him out of here.

“Where do you even get them? If you’re parents aren’t home, and you’re not old enough…” Jooheon asks, hoping to evade Minhyuk’s questions. It had been hard enough to get this close. He’d managed to lie and say his parents just moved in down the street and left for vacation, telling him to go stay with a friend. He told Minhyuk he didn’t know anyone and he thought he’d just ask around. This kid, Minhyuk, he was nice. Said yes, and this is where they were. A week later.

Minhyuk props his feet up, picks up the remote and turns the TV off. “What’s your deal? Why do care so much? It’s not even your house.” Minhyuk stops like he was about to say more, but doesn’t. He gives a questioning look to Jooheon, like he’d just figured something out. “You’re seventeen, right?” Jooheon nods. He’s actually nineteen, but with this case he needed to lie. “Aren’t you old enough to be home alone? And I thought you said your parents were only going to be gone a few days?”

Shit, _he had he said that_. “Uhm…I lied?”

“You...Lied?” Minhyuk crosses his legs and leans forward, brows knit together in confusion. “About what?”

“All of it.” Jooheon says, racking his brain for ideas. “I’m actually homeless? Yeah, and...I just needed a place to stay. I’m very sorry. I’ll- I’ll pay you back for the food I ate, and-”

“No,” Minhyuk puts his hand up. “If you needed to crash somewhere, why didn’t you just say so?” Jooheon cannot believe Minhyuk just bought all that. Maybe he could quit this social worker gig and take up acting. He lets go of a breath he was holding. “You do have to pay me back though, for rent. But you don’t have a job, do you?” Minhyuk asks.

Jooheon shakes his head. “That’s okay,” Minhyuk says. “You can just do stuff around the house. If you couldn’t tell already it’s not the cleanest.”

Jooheon nods, it really wasn’t. According to his boss, Minhyuk’s parents hadn’t been home for over a month. Just up and disappeared, but without evidence that the house was in bad shape and that Minhyuk had indeed been abandoned, they couldn’t take Minhyuk into the youth shelter.

“Since you told me the truth, I guess I’ll spill my secrets too, since you’ll be living here and all.” Minhyuk says, lighting another cigarette. “I kind of live alone, for now. I think my parents went somewhere for a bit, dunno when they’re coming back. So if you clean and wash dishes and stuff you can stay. I’ll even let you sleep in my bedroom instead of the couch.” Minhyuk tells him, switching the TV back on.

Jooheon nods, trying to remember to act normal even though he’s really excited that Minhyuk just confirmed his suspicions. “Uh, thanks, but where are you sleeping?”

“My parents bedroom. Not usually allowed in there, but it’s not like they’re using it.” Minhyuk says, absentmindedly flicking the cherry until it falls off, landing on his shirt.

Jooheon stays quiet for a minute, pretends to be into the show playing in front of them. He dares to ask, “Do you think they’re coming back?”

Minhyuk doesn’t answer right away, smokes until there’s nothing left, putting it out right next to the last mark on the table. “I dunno.” Minhyuk grabs the remote, turns it up way too loud. They sit in a weird kind of silence for the remainder of the afternoon.

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Changkyun keeps his promise, but only because he can’t drink if he’s sleeping. Which he is, even at three the next day. Kihyun had woken up late-ish, around eleven and his plans for the day ended up getting canceled when his mom told him Hyunwoo had called while he was asleep and said he couldn’t meet up like they’d planned.

They were going to go on a double date. Him and Changkyun with Hyunwoo and Wonho. Kihyun hopes they can plan for another time, it would be nice to do normal things with Changkyun. Normal things did not include sleeping all day then drinking all night, fucking whenever he feels like it, arguing about the fact that _someone_ needs to quit drinking, or asking your parents to take you into town so you can have the crooked store clerk illegally sell you alcohol.

“Wake up.”

“I’ve been up.” Comes Changkyun’s reply, surprising Kihyun so much he actually falls off the edge of the bed where he’d been sitting. “Did I scare you?” Changkyun asks with a laugh. Kihyun blushes, gets up and smacks his boyfriend with a pillow.

“No,” he so obviously lies. “But why didn’t you come eat breakfast with me and my mom earlier if you’ve been up?” Kihyun asks, sitting back onto the edge of the bed.

Changkyun keeps his eyes closed. “Your mom hates me.”

“She does not.”

Changkyun opens his eyes just to give Kihyun an ‘oh really?’ kind of look. Kihyun laughs, leaning forward into his hands and sighing. Okay, so maybe his mom hated him, but that was only because she was aware of the drinking, not because of Changkyun.

A frown pulls at Kihyun’s face. If only she’d get to know him, the _real_ Changkyun, then she’d like him. She’d love him. Like Kihyun loves him. “Hey,” Changkyun’s sitting up now, he’s shirtless and Kihyun fights the urge to look as the covers fall off his waking body. “I love you, like a lot, but your mom scares me.” He tells Kihyun, kissing his temple and laying back down.

“You hungry?” Kihyun asks. “She went to work if you wanna maybe come help make lunch.” Kihyun asks hopefully. Changkyun is usually already asking if there’s any beer, so today they could maybe do some normal people stuff together.

Changkyun groans and Kihyun’s hope dies. “Is there any beer in the fridge?”

Kihyun can’t help his anger when it rises to the top, “Is there? Why don’t you actually get out of the bed and check yourself.” Changkyun sits back up, an offended look on his face. Kihyun instantly feels guilty. “Sorry, I- can’t we just do something together besides have sex? I love you Changkyun, I do, but I feel like you only stay here because I get you drinks and you don’t really have anywhere else.”

He holds back from actually crying, but it’s there, about to spill over. Changkyun scoots closer and lays a hand on Kihyun’s thigh. “I stay here because you’re here. Hey, look at me.” Kihyun lifts his head. “I love you Yoo Kihyun.”

Kihyun nods and Changkyun gets out of the bed, he pulls on a pair of jeans and throws on a shirt. “Lets go.” Kihyun feels his heart race.

“Where to?”

“I know a place, baby.”

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Jooheon thinks his brain is going to melt with the amount of TV Minhyuk watches in one sitting. The kitchen was officially clean, as were the two bathrooms and the living room. The entire time Jooheon had been cleaning, Minhyuk had smoked half a pack of cigarettes and watched the amount of TV Jooheon usually watches in a week.

“Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten all day.” Jooheon asks, sitting on the opposite side of the couch as Minhyuk. The blond boy yawns, picks up the remote to switch the TV off and then stands up. “There’s nothing in the fridge.” Jooheon informs, but Minhyuk’s heading towards the door.

“I know. Lets go.” 

 

Jooheon finds himself at the pizza parlor downtown. The waiter seats them at a booth and Minhyuk takes one side while Jooheon takes the other. “This place is the best. Used to come here with my mom all the time.” Minhyuk says, pulling a slice off the plate as soon as the waiter comes back with the food.

“It looks good.” Jooheon says, taking a bite of his own. It was yummy pizza, which seemed to come at a good price since the five dollars in Minhyuk’s back pocket payed for the whole thing. 

 

They put the leftovers in a take out box ten minutes later and Minhyuk walks them right to the park.

It was pretty late in the day and there weren’t any kids around, save for Minhyuk. Jooheon sits on a bench and watches Minhyuk sit on the swings. “Why are you homeless?” Minhyuk asks. It takes Jooheon by surprise. He let himself have a moment to think. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me why you smoke.” Jooheon offers. Minhyuk nods. “I ran away, actually. My dad beat me. No one believed me, so I left. That was a few years ago though. I kind of just hop from place to place now.” Minhyuk nods, kicking the dirt whenever he swings back down. “Your turn.”

“The smell reminds me of someone.” Is all Minhyuk says. Jooheon gets up and sits on the swing next to him.

“Who?”

“I dunno. Someone I used to know, I think.” Minhyuk says, hopping off the swing. Jooheon gets up too, grabbing the box of pizza as they leave the park.

The walk feels nice, the wind is just the right amount of cool and watching Minhyuk hop over the cracks in the sidewalk gives Jooheon a good feeling. Like he’s getting closer to getting Minhyuk in a better place. They walk inside just as the sun sets.

“Weird…” Minhyuk mumbles as he closes the door and slips his shoes off. Jooheon hums a ‘what?’ in response. “It actually feels like coming home.” He answers. “Must be because you’re here.” He whispers.

“What was that?” Jooheon asks, laying the pizza box on top of the counter.

“Nothing.”

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Changkyun takes him to a shady looking bar, of all places, and though he vows he’ll only have a beer it’s only thirty minutes later and Kihyun is in the bathroom while Changkyun’s on the tiled floor throwing up all ten shots he just took.

“You’re not even getting anything in the toilet, you’re literally just throwing up on yourself.” Kihyun says, annoyed and beyond pissed off. Of all the fucking places, a bar. A fucking shady ass bar that didn’t even ID either of them. “I’m going home. Find a ride, or walk. I don’t really care.” Kihyun tells him, not even sure if Changkyun’s even capable of listening to him right now.

Changkyun vaguely nods and Kihyun fights the guilty voice in his head telling him he can’t leave his boyfriend like this. The other part of his head is right, the one saying this is Changkyun’s fault. Which it is. Kihyun stops right in front of the door, looks back at Changkyun, who seems to have fallen asleep, and sighs deeply.

Walking back over, Kihyun takes Changkyun’s shirt off and throws it in the trash can. He wasn’t washing that, no way. He takes off his jacket and puts it on the other, then pulls him up enough to get him awake.  
“Kihyunnie? Is- is that, you’re still here…” The rest of whatever he was trying to say turns into nonsense that Kihyun ignores as they make their way slowly outside of the bar. “Like, here,” Changkyun suddenly says, pointing at the ground. “Right, right here is the perfect spot to- to sleep.” Kihyun’s suddenly pulled to the ground as Changkyun grabs his arm and falls onto the sidewalk.

“Changkyun get your ass up, we’re going home.” Kihyun says, smacking Changkyun until he groans from where he’s now sprawled out on the ground. “Come on. Or I’m leaving without you.”

Changkyun closes his eyes, but keeps his hand on Kihyun’s arm. “No, you- you gotta stay. Sleep here, with me.” Kihyun easily escapes the hold and stands up.

“I’m leaving.”

“No you’re not!” Changkyun stumbles to his feet, stepping closer to Kihyun. “You can’t leave!” He yells. Kihyun looks around, glad for the lack of people, figures though, not a lot of crowds hang outside of hidden alleyway bars. Kihyun scoffs.

“Well, watch me-” Kihyun turns to walk away, mostly hoping Changkyun would just give up and follow him so they could get home, but before he can even turn the whole way around Changkyun grabs him harshly with one hand, the other comes up, meeting Kihyun’s jaw with a crack.

Kihyun steps backwards, hand coming up to cup his face in shock. “Changkyun!” He screams, tears welling up and spilling. His face throbs and he tells himself he’s only crying from the pain. “You- you can’t fucking hit me!” Kihyun cries, stepping back.

“I can do whatever I want,” Changkyun shouts back. “You’re not glass, you didn’t break!” He shouts. Kihyun turns then, walking fast towards home, trying not to hear what Changkyun yells after him.

 

He gets home and runs to the bathroom, slamming the door out of frustration. He should have known that would wake someone up, but it surprises him anyways when his mom opens the door. "Honey? Oh.." She pauses for a moment, taking in the large blue-purple mark already making its way to the skin’s surface. Kihyun is thankful when she quietly closes the door behind herself as she walks in.

She sits Kihyun on the edge of the bath, opening the mirror cabinet and pulling out cotton swabs and peroxide. She dabs some on a white fluffy swab and puts it to the cut in the middle of the mark, probably caused by a fingernail.

He feels better by the time she's putting everything away. "Take a warm bath, then get some sleep, ok?" Kihyun nods, he will. She opens the door to leave, but pauses again. "You need to leave him."

Kihyun puts his head down in a slight nod, he doesn't know if he can do that though. His mother closes the door and Kihyun hurries a bath and then takes a blanket out, so that whenever Changkyun comes home he doesn't have to share.

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Minhyuk is easy to get close to, so easy in fact that Jooheon almost starts to forget this is his job. Like in this moment right now, Minhyuk has his head on Jooheon's lap.

"I feel sick." He tells Jooheon.

"That's because all you've had today was cigarettes." Jooheon says, not able to help himself from running his fingers through the boy’s hair. Minhyuk sits up then, as if burned by the touch. "Sorry-"

But Minhyuk runs to the bathroom, Jooheon can hear him throwing up. Minhyuk doesn't come back, so Jooheon goes to check on him.

"Can you help me to the couch?" Minhyuk asks, looking pale. Even like this Jooheon thinks he looks pretty. He quickly pushes that thought away and helps Minhyuk into his parents bed instead, figuring that would be more comfortable than the living room.

Minhyuk tries to fight it, saying something about there's no TV in here, but he falls asleep alarming quick.  
Jooheon wastes no time leaving to buy some medicine and soup from the corner store. He turns the TV off and cooks in silence, just in case Minhyuk gets up, he wants to be able to hear him.

He waits for the soup to cool a little before walking back into the bedroom, laying the bowl and water on a table side. He sits on the edge of the bed and shakes Minhyuk lightly. "Hey, hey. You want some soup?" The sleeping boy wakes up at the sounds of food. 

 

Minhyuk looks way better after he eats and though he tells Jooheon he's okay now, it was just lack of food he was suffering from, he still ends up taking the medicine.

"You seem older than seventeen. Just the way you act." Minhyuk says. Jooheon ignores the comment with a small shrug as he collects the empty dishes. Minhyuk doesn't drop it though, following him into the kitchen.

"You're actually seventeen, right?"

Jooheon places the dishes into the sink. "Why would I lie?" Minhyuk doesn't say anything, but when Jooheon turns on the water, Minhyuk stops him.

"I'll do it." Minhyuk says, grabbing the sponge.

For the first time since Jooheon's been here, he watches Minhyuk do something other than watch TV or light a cigarette.

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Kihyun tries to sleep in, but Changkyun is cleaning the room, Kihyun can tell from the lemon scented cleaning spray. It's causing a bit of noise. He stays under the covers, wanting to pretend he's sleeping for as long as possible. What's he going to say when he gets up?

His mother's words ring in his head, but before he can ponder any longer Changkyun talks. "Sorry? No, that's what he'd expect." He mumbles to himself. Kihyun feels giddy that his boyfriend is trying to find the right way to apologize, even if what he was apologizing for was extremely fucked up.

Kihyun almost screams when the covers are pulled off, he doesn't have time to close his eyes. "How long have you been awake?" Changkyun asks.

Kihyun sits up and shrugs. Changkyun can see the mark now, Kihyun can tell he's surprised. Kihyun gets up and starts looking for something to wear, settling on shorts and a long sleeve. He feels Changkyun's eyes on him, hears him ask where he's going, but he ignores it, leaving the house with a quick bye to his mother.

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The doorbell rings and Minhyuk practically runs to get it, Jooheon just stays where he's at, cooking grilled cheese. Were his parents back?

"Oh, hey." Jooheon hears Minhyuk say. "You wanna talk about it?"

Jooheon notices Kihyun the same time that he notices Jooheon.

"Oh, that's Jooheon. He's my roommate, Jooheon this is Kihyun." Minhyuk introduces them. Jooheon bows and Kihyun does the same, quickly pretending he wasn't five seconds from a breakdown.

"You staying for lunch?" Jooheon asks and Kihyun shakes his head no, Jooheon cooks for three anyways.  
Minhyuk and Kihyun settle on the couch, Minhyuk lighting a cigarette. "We can still talk about it, he won't tell anyone." Minhyuk says to Kihyun.

Jooheon pretends he doesn't hear, realizing he's the guy they're talking about.

"I don't know what to do." Kihyun admits. "He did this last night, and this morning I ignored him and came over here."

Minhyuk blows smoke towards the window, though it's closed. "You know what you should do, right?" Minhyuk asks, Kihyun doesn't answer. "But I know saying you need to break up with him isn't what you wanna hear."

Jooheon peeks over just long enough to see the huge dark purple mark going along Kihyun's jaw. Did his parents do that? Maybe he would be the next case he works on.

"Grilled cheese is done," Jooheon announces. "Here." He says, putting down a plate with two sandwiches each in front of both boys, plus one for himself.

Minhyuk snubs his cigarette out on the table and picks up the plate, talking with his mouth full. "So, I'll tell you what you wanna hear. Go home, ignore his ass some more and wait until he cries for forgiveness. He'll probably buy you roses and everything."

Kihyun nods, "He probably will, he started sucking up before I was awake. He cleaned the bedroom."

Minhyuk raises a brow. "Wow."

"I know, I was shocked."

Minhyuk turns to Jooheon. "Got any love advice for Kihyun?" Kihyun smacks his arm and they both laugh when the sandwich falls on the floor. Jooheon thinks they must be close. Minhyuk picks it up and takes a bite.

"Sorry for the shitty first impression, I don't always have love problems." Kihyun says to Jooheon shyly. Minhyuk snorts. "Okay, I don't usually have marks that result from my love problems."

Not parents, _boyfriend_ Jooheon notes. Jooheon smiles, "It's cool. I used to have an abusive loved one too."

Kihyun perks up at that, "You did? What'd you do?"

"Ran away." Minhyuk answers for him. Jooheon nods.

"But that doesn't have to be the answer. You could talk it out, but if you want my honest opinion?" Jooheon asks. Kihyun nods. "You should dump him, because people who love you don't hurt you."

Kihyun nods. "I should get going, nice meeting you. See ya Minhyukie." 

The door closes and Jooheon raises a brow. "Minhyukie?"

"Shut up, it's a joke. His is Kihyunnie." Minhyuk says, grabbing a sandwich off Kihyun's untouched plate.

"What's his story anyways, his boyfriend did that to his face?" Jooheon asks, trying to sound nonchalant.

Minhyuk nods. "Yeah. That's new though, he's never hit him before."

"And he won't leave him?"

Minhyuk laughs, but it sounds really sad. "No way. He could kill Kihyun and that boy would love him in the afterlife." Jooheon feels like he should call his boss to look into this, but if Kihyun didn't want out, he couldn't help. "I wish someone loved me that much." Minhyuk sighs, lighting up his unfinished cigarette.

"Enough to hit you?"

"No, like Kihyun loves him. Even though it's not good for him, even if he has to give up his life."

Jooheon wonders what kind of love that even is.

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It's not that Kihyun is avoiding Changkyun, he just happens to remember that he needs to go to the store for a few hours, then stop at the ice cream parlor to get a sunday. It's an accident that Kihyun gets home at nine that night, really, it is.

It's not often his mom works late, but she must have because there's a note on the table telling him so, that she'd be back early the next morning. Kihyun takes his shoes off at the door and walks slowly upstairs. Not because he's stalling, it's because his feet hurt from standing a lot. That's all.

Changkyun is awake, and the bedroom is rearranged when he works up the courage to open the door. "Do you like it?" He asks Kihyun, looking hopeful as soon as he walks in. Kihyun tries to look unimpressed, but it's so nice.

The beer cans are all gone, the dresser is against the wall and the drawers are all pushed in, which means the clothes inside must be folded for once. "A-and look, the bed is over here so you can sleep by the window, cause I, I remember that time you said you always wanted a room with a view." Changkyun says this all shyly, and Kihyun feels like he's not really here. He must be dreaming.

He knew Changkyun had this soft, shy side, it's what Kihyun fell for. It just wasn't everyday he got to see it, because this meant Changkyun was sober.

"Why are you crying, don't you like it? I can move it back-"

Kihyun runs over and hugs him. "No! No I love it Changkyun."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." Changkyun says. Kihyun pulls back and holds Changkyun's face so he has to look into his eyes.

"Stop drinking. For me."

There’s a hesitant moment, it's a quiet pause, and Kihyun thinks he can hear both of their heart beats. "Okay. I love you." Changkyun says finally. He hugs Kihyun tight. Kihyun knows then and there and he could never leave Changkyun, never.

"I love you too."

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Jooheon is not a happy person when he's tired, but he feels more scared than mad when one night he wakes up to the sound of Minhyuk walking into the room. He stays quiet, with his eyes open in the dark, trying to see Minhyuk. "Are you up?"

"I am." Jooheon says, sitting up in bed. It was a small bed, just enough room to comfortably spread out and Jooheon had made himself familiar with the entire room the last few nights, waiting until he knew Minhyuk was sleeping to dig around the dresser drawers and look into the closet. He didn’t find anything worth mentioning to his boss, but he felt like he somehow knew more about Minhyuk now. "Are you okay?"

"Can I sleep in here? I don't like how big the other bed is." Minhyuk says.

"Of course, it's your room. I'll go sleep in the living room." Jooheon says, starting to get up. Minhyuk gets into the bed before he can leave, pushing him back onto the bed. "No?"

"You can stay." Minhyuk says. Jooheon feels extremely weird about sleeping shirtless in his boxers with this boy, but the way Minhyuk falls asleep fast makes Jooheon believe it's a good thing he's not on the couch. 

 

Minhyuk gets up early, despite not having anything to do. Jooheon puts on a shirt and walks into the kitchen. There's milk, bread, and a few eggs left. Enough for breakfast, but not for a lunch and dinner. Jooheon had to fix that.

"You wanna get groceries?" Jooheon asks, yawning with a stretch. He doesn't notice Minhyuk staring at the exposed part of his stomach.

He looks away by the time Jooheon glances over. "I only have ten dollars."

Right. As far as Minhyuk knew they were both broke kids. He couldn't just pull out his credit card. "I know someone who can lend me some cash." Jooheon lies, well, kind of. Minhyuk looks over and puts out his cigarette. They have breakfast before they head out.

 

Hyungwon let's Jooheon in with a weird look, Jooheon telling Minhyuk to just wait outside.

"Who is that kid?" Hyungwon asks.

"He's the case I'm working on right now." Hyungwon makes an ‘o’ face. "I'm supposed to be getting money off you."

Hyungwon laughs. "Do you actually need money?"

"Kind of? I have my card but-"

"But you can't use it, got it. You owe me." Hyungwon says, getting out his wallet and pulling out a hundred. "Tell him we had sex, so it's not suspicious."

Jooheon snorts. "You wish."

"No I'm serious, no one just asks for money and gets it." Hyungwon says, and Jooheon knows it's true. "Come here."

Jooheon let's Hyungwon run his hands through his hair and pull on his shirt until he actually looks like he just had sex. "Chew on your lips." Hyungwon tells him. Jooheon doesn't get that part until he looks in the mirror. He looks like he just had the hottest make out session ever. “There, now if he asks, you can answer.” Hyungwon says, standing back to admire his work.

"Thanks, I'll pay you back when the case is over." Jooheon says, pocketing the bill and walking towards the door, a silent prayer in his head that Minhyuk wouldn’t ask.

"Come by soon." Hyungwon yells out the door with a wink. Minhyuk is gaping at Jooheon.

"Did he give you anything?" Minhyuk asks. Jooheon hands over the hundred. Minhyuk looks like a cartoon the way his eyes bug out.

"What?"

"Did you... do anything to get this?" Minhyuk asks. Jooheon can't build up enough confidence to say he just fucked a ‘random’ guy, so he just keeps walking.

"Who cares, what do you want for lunch?"

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Waking up to the sight of the stars and night sky is amazing. Kihyun snuggles deeper into Changkyun's arms, his heart caught in his throat when he feels lips press against his neck.

"Baby, why are you up?" Changkyun's sleepy voice asks. Kihyun turns around. "Hi."

"Hi."

"You look so beautiful."

Kihyun smiles and closes his eyes. Changkyun hugs him to his chest. "I like you best like this." He feels Changkyun nod.

"Me too."

 

When it's actually time to get up, several hours later, Changkyun doesn't feel good. "I think I'm sick." He tells Kihyun. 

Kihyun thinks it's withdrawal. "I'll go get some medicine." 

He runs to his mom's room. "Do you have any medicine, Changkyun is sick."

She hands him something after digging around in a drawer and Kihyun runs back to Changkyun. He looks miserable. "Here, I got some." Changkyun starts crying.

"Changkyun?" Kihyun lays the medicine on the bed. "What's wrong, does it hurt anywhere?"

Changkyun shakes his head. "Nothing is wrong," He cries, hiding his face in the covers. Kihyun frowns and turns the lights off, opens the window and turns the TV on. He gets on the bed and hugs Changkyun from over the blanket. He holds him and kisses his cheeks when he comes out from under the covers, only just peeking out.

He stops crying after a good while, and they watch TV until Changkyun falls asleep. Kihyun keeps the TV on for white noise, and gets under the covers. He accidentally kicks the medicine off, but it doesn't matter. There wasn't any medicine in the world to cure what Changkyun had.

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Ever since they went grocery shopping, Minhyuk's been giving Jooheon the cold shoulder and Jooheon didn't know what to do.

It created a tense atmosphere, and Jooheon was scared to death that he had somehow blown his cover.  
He'd asked Minhyuk a hundred times if something was wrong, but he never said anything besides, ‘nothing’, or ‘don't want to talk right now’. 

Jooheon was cooking ramen when he felt eyes on him. Minhyuk had that power, somehow Jooheon could just tell when the younger was looking at him. Jooheon glances over with a smile. Minhyuk doesn't look happy, turns away and lights a cigarette. Jooheon frowns and puts the noodles into two bowls, bringing them out to the living room.

"It's hot, be careful." Jooheon says. Minhyuk finishes his cigarette before eating. They watch TV in silence while they eat, like it's been for the past few days.

Jooheon waits until Minhyuk finishes to take the dishes to the sink. "I'm going to take a shower." Minhyuk announces, taking off his shirt where he sat. That's another thing that's been happening these past few days. Minhyuk kept trying really hard to get his attention, but whenever Jooheon would ask what he wanted, the latter ignored him.

"Do you want me to do laundry?" Jooheon asks, figuring that’s what he wanted since he was making a show of throwing the dirty shirt on the floor.

Minhyuk just looks at him, glares actually, and instead of ignoring him, says, "You're so stupid."

Jooheon stares after him as he walks into the bathroom, picking up the shirt after the door shuts. He blames the boy’s age for the sudden attitude. He starts doing the laundry regardless of the comment, after all, if he stops doing things around the house he has no reason to be here.

 

It's an hour later before Minhyuk comes out, and he smokes two cigarettes before leaving the room without a word, off to bed. Jooheon had once decided to sleep on the couch, but Minhyuk had come back out to tell him he could still sleep in the bedroom. Jooheon didn't want to make him more upset, so that’s where he slept.

Something was different tonight though, because when Jooheon got into bed Minhyuk actually turned to face him. They usually just lay back to back. "You used to sleep in your underwear, so why don't you do that now?" Minhyuk asks.

Jooheon shrugs. "I don't know. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Jooheon answers, turning the light off.

"It wouldn't."

"Okay."

"So?" Minhyuk asks, and Jooheon sighs.

"Okay, if it doesn't bother you then I will." Jooheon says, taking off his jeans and shirt. The truth was it made Jooheon uncomfortable, especially when Minhyuk was only in boxers and a shirt.

He gets into bed and feels Minhyuk staring at him through the dark. "What did you do that day to get all that money?" Minhyuk asks.

Jooheon sighs and rolls over, away from Minhyuk as far away as the tiny bed would allow. He feels embarrassed talking about it even though he didn't actually do anything to get it. "Not important, go to bed." 

"Tell me."

"No."

"Why."

"Drop it."

"Why?"

Jooheon turns around, just to make sure he wasn't actually lying next to a five year old, Minhyuk was very good at not acting his age. "We fucked, there, go to bed." Jooheon says, in a slightly bad mood. It's peaceful for a while but Minhyuk is still looking at him, he can tell even though his eyes are closed, so he can't fall asleep.

He feels Minhyuk's leg touch his. "Would you fuck anyone for a hundred dollars?"

Jooheon wants to die. "I'm sleeping on the couch."

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Something in the back of Kihyun's brain told him this would happen. That it was unavoidable for Changkyun not to have side effects from not drinking, that he might pick up an attitude. "Changkyun let me in." Kihyun says, knocking on the bathroom door. Changkyun has been in there for an hour. Just to brush his teeth.  
"Leave me alone, I hate you."

"Just open the door." Kihyun says, sitting down. "I have your favorite movie on pause and my mom ordered pizza."

He hears noise and then the door opens a crack. "What kind?" Kihyun would think he's dealing with a teenage girl on her period if he couldn't see Changkyun through the slightly open doorway.

"Pepperoni. The good kind."

Changkyun opens the door all the way. "I don't hate you."

"I know. Come on."

 

They eat and watch movies until Changkyun decides he hates him again and tells him to sleep somewhere else tonight. Kihyun grabs a pillow. "Okay, I'll be on the couch if you want me. Sleep tight babe."

"Don't call me babe."

 

Kihyun leaves the room and visits the kitchen where his mom was.

"How's he doing?" She asks, not looking up from the sink as she washes a glass.

"Good, I think. He kicked me out of the room."

His mom laughs and dries her hands. "I'm going to bed, sweet dreams."

"Goodnight."

 

Kihyun wakes up when Changkyun wakes him up, the dark window tells him it's late, or really early, either way he's tired and the sun isn’t up.

"Come back to bed." Changkyun says, kissing his lips. Kihyun follows him back to the room and though he'd love to sleep, Changkyun has other plans. "Can I blow you?" Changkyun asks, kissing Kihyun's hips, lifting his shirt a ways up as he settles between his legs.

When did he even get on the bed? Kihyun nods sleepily. Whatever Changkyun wants.

Changkyun slides his shorts off and places soft kisses over his thighs, a hand coming up to stroke his cock. "Ah, fuck" Kihyun breaths, the feeling of Changkyun breathing over his hard on making him lift his hips. "What are you waiting for?" Kihyun asks, completely awake now.

Changkyun doesn't answer, just keeps lazily stroking until Kihyun thinks he's going crazy. “Please, Changkyun” Finally, Changkyun places a kiss on the side of his cock, then takes down half of his length.

"Oh, god, Changkyun," Kihyun moans, and Changkyun takes down more. "That feels so good please, please more" Kihyun begs. Changkyun sucks harder, and Kihyun can tell he's jacking off while he's doing this, and that by itself, along with the way Changkyun is sinfully sucking on his cock, makes Kihyun come.

Changkyun moans around him, swallowing everything and then coming when Kihyun tugs on his hair.  
"Come here." Kihyun whispers, and Changkyun listens. They make out for a while, and then Kihyun's tired again.

"Love you," Changkyun says, neither of them cleaning up. "So much."

Kihyun nods, but falls asleep before he can answer.

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"I'm out of cigarettes." Minhyuk sighs, throwing the empty pack into the trash. "I'll be back."  
Jooheon gets up.

"Couldn't I come too?" He asks. He wants to know how he gets them without being eighteen. "I'm bored." He adds on when Minhyuk asks why.

"Whatever, let's go."

 

Minhyuk leads them down the street, then an alleyway and then an old antique shop that has a back door. It takes them out onto a less busy street than the one Minhyuk lives by. They stop outside of a 7/11 and Minhyuk sticks his arm out to stop Jooheon from walking in after him. 

“Obviously this isn’t legal. So stay here.” Minhyuk tells him, disappearing inside. Jooheon looks at the glass windows, trying to see through the sun's glare. He can’t see anything clearly and Minhyuk returns quicker than Jooheon expects, catching him with his face nearly up against the door. “What are you doing?”

Jooheon jumps back. “Nothing. Where are your cigarettes?” He asks, noticing nothing but a can of soda in his hand. Minhyuk ignores him as they walk back home, going a different way than how they got there. He answers when they’re almost back to Minhyuk’s house.

“In my pocket.”

“You act like you’re hiding them from me.”

“I am hiding them, but not from you.” Minhyuk says. Jooheon raises a brow. “I steal them.” Jooheon almost gasps, but reminds himself that if he were a kid Minhyuk’s age, this kind of behaviour would be normal.

Jooheon puts his hands in his pocket and nods, “Cool. Always thought the guy in there would just sell them to anyone.” Jooheon tells him honestly. Though he finds himself wishing it was true, because that would mean Minhyuk wasn’t breaking a major law. At least the store owner would get most of the blame if he was knowingly selling Minhyuk tobacco, but this would all be on Minhyuk if he gets caught.

“Nah.” Is all Minhyuk says and Jooheon realizes Minhyuk was actually being more himself than he had been in the last few days, well, almost. He seemed down about something, but Jooheon was waiting for the right time to ask him about that.

They make it home a few minutes later and Minhyuk lights one up as soon as they sit down. Jooheon feels a sort of comfortable deja vu as they watch TV for the remainder of the afternoon. He knows he needs to be making some more progress on the case, he had more than enough details to get Minhyuk out of here, but he almost didn’t want to.

Jooheon tells himself he’ll give them another week, just to see if anything comes up that would bring even more solid evidence against Minhyuk’s parents.

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There’s a familiar noise waking Kihyun up. He can tell it’s late in the day by the way he feels overly energized. He lays still under the covers until he realizes he knows that sound. A little too well.

“Changkyun!” Kihyun screams, startling him so much that he pretty much throws the bottle of liquor across the bedroom. Kihyun watches it smash into the wall, making a huge red stain along the carpet and wallpaper. He looks over at Changkyun. _”What. The. Fuck.”_

Changkyun looks guilty, meaning he wasn’t drunk. Yet. “Morning?”

“Don’t _morning_ me, what the hell was that?” Kihyun yells, dramatically pointing to the shattered glass. Changkyun rushes over to the bedside and bows his head.

“I’m sorry! I really am, I couldn’t help it. I was cleaning, and I found this wine and I- I only took one sip!” Changkyun is rambling faster than Kihyun can listen, but he gets the jist.

“How much.”

“What?”

“How much did you actually have?” Kihyun questions, arms crossed. Changkyun looks away.

“A few sips.”

Kihyun sighs, but reminds himself this is progress and it could have been a few bottles and not just a few sips. Changkyun starts picking up glass and Kihyun gets up to help him. “Go get the cleaner from the bathroom.” Kihyun says. Changkyun silently listens and Kihyun thinks of how he’s going to hide a stain this big.

Maybe he could buy a rug.

 

By late afternoon Changkyun has stopped saying sorry and started saying...other things.

“It’s only wine. It doesn’t even have that much alcohol in it. It’s mostly grape juice.”

Kihyun ignores him, wondering how someone who has drank so much in his lifetime knows so little about what he drinks. “No.”

“Kihyun, please. It’s just a glass, one. One glass.” Changkyun begs, annoying Kihyun further. He’d been begging for a drink for almost an hour now and Kihyun was sick of it. “I’m having one.”

“No you’re not.”

“You can’t stop me.” Changkyun says, Kihyun looks over, surprised. Changkyun had been everything _but_ aggressive since they began Changkyun’s journey to recovery.

“Stop!” Kihyun shouts, watching Changkyun grab a another hidden wine bottle. How many more were there? Changkyun doesn’t listen and opens the bottle. Kihyun gets up and takes it out of his hands. “No!”

Changkyun shoves Kihyun and grabs it back. Kihyun walks closer, but Changkyun starts chugging, pushing Kihyun back as he does. Kihyun pushes back, harder, and ends up knocking them both down, wine going everywhere and Changkyun yells a him. “Seriously? Is it always going to be like this!” He shouts as if this is Kihyun’s fault. As if Kihyun was the problem and Changkyun was the normal one. Kihyun feels his blood boiling.

Kihyun gets up, shaking. Wiping his eyes off. “Yes! It is. It’s always going to be me loving you most!” Kihyun screams, uncaring for his mother who could hear him. “It’s always going to be you smelling like a bar, another stain on my carpet, another day that I have to put up with you!”

Changkyun sits, unmoving as Kihyun storms out. Passing his mom quickly, ignoring her questions.

This felt like the end this time.

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Night falls and Minhyuk is down half a pack when Jooheon is done eating. Minhyuk said he wasn’t hungry, but had half of the sandwich Jooheon made for himself.

Minhyuk was sitting so close to him that Jooheon could feel the others heartbeat. It was slow and steady and Jooheon felt bold when he slid closer to him. Putting his head onto Minhyuk’s shoulder. It was comfortable and Minhyuk didn’t move away.

A few minutes pass and Minhyuk turns his head, so does Jooheon and their lips touch, just barely, but enough to make them both jump back.

“S-sorry.” Jooheon stutters, turning the other way and letting Minhyuk slip a few feet away from him. It’s suddenly quiet and the TV isn’t making Jooheon feel less awkward as he looks back over to Minhyuk.

Minhyuk has his eyes locked onto Jooheon. Face pink and eyes glowing. It was so intense Jooheon looks away, blankly staring at the television. 

“Don’t be.” Minhyuk says, so quiet Jooheon looks back over and tilts his head. Did he really just say that?

The door bursts open and both boys jump.

“Minhyuk! I can’t do this anymore!” Kihyun shouts. Jooheon jumps up.

“Are you okay?” Minhyuk asks.

“Do you need to go to a hospital?” Jooheon screams, shocked at how much blood is covering the boy.

Kihyun starts peeling off his clothes. “Did you fucking kill someone?” Minhyuk yells, sounding unhuman.

Kihyun is down to his boxers in seconds. “No! It’s- It’s wine.” Kihyun sobs. “It’s fucking wine! I fucking hate wine!” He screams, leaving to Minhyuk’s bathroom, the door slamming shut.The sound of Kihyun crying is louder than the TV.

Jooheon and Minhyuk let their heart rates slow down. Jooheon sits back onto the couch and Minhyuk lights another cigarette. “I thought it was blood.” Jooheon says.

Minhyuk nods, “Me too.”

“He hates wine that much? To uh, to come here screaming about it?” Jooheon asks, quite confused by the chaos that had just walked in. Minhyuk gets up. 

“Not really, but he probably needs help so I’ll be right back.”

 

Minhyuk opens the door and finds Kihyun in the tub, shower going against his back, head hidden by his knees. “Hey.”

Kihyun doesn’t move.

Minhyuk strips down and gets in too, turning the shower off and plugging the drain before adding soap to create bubbles. It smells like strawberries and makes Minhyuk feel ten again.

Minhyuk takes a sponge and starts washing his best friends back. He takes his time, using baby oil and the good shampoo his mom left behind to wash their hair. At some point Kihyun stops crying and leans back. Minhyuk washes the soap from his hair and then turns the water off. It was way too hot and the bubbles were overflowing, but Minhyuk stays in.

“He started drinking again.” Kihyun whispers.

“Wait, when did he stop?” Minhyuk asks.

Kihyun sighs, “Not too long ago, he was doing good. But then he started again. Like it meant nothing to him. Like _I_ meant nothing to him.”

Minhyuk nods. “Is he gone?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can go over there, tell him to leave. If you want.” Minhyuk offers, gently. As much as he knows how Kihyun feels, he also can’t stand Changkyun treating him like this. Kihyun needed better.

Kihyun opens his mouth, but then just shakes his head. “No. I think- I think he might go by himself. He uh, he wasn’t drunk so maybe he will know he needs to go.”

Minhyuk doesn’t quite believe that, hasn’t seen Changkyun sober in years, but if Kihyun thought he was gone then he probably was. Kihyun knew Changkyun better than anyone. Even Changkyun. 

“How do you feel about that?” Minhyuk asks softly. Kihyun doesn’t answer, then he laughs. 

Minhyuk finds himself laughing too. “What?”

“I feel sad. But I don’t know why. I should be happy, right?” Kihyun asks, turning around to face Minhyuk.

“That would make more sense,” Minhyuk answers. “But love doesn’t make sense.”

Kihyun nods. “Hear from your parents yet?”

Minhyuk shakes his head. “I don’t really want to anymore. I missed them, but now I don’t. I mean.. They didn’t even call.”

Kihyun reaches over and holds his hand. “I hope they’re dead.”

“Me too.” Minhyuk says. Half meaning it, half scared that they are.

 

They both emerge from the bathroom an hour later, and Jooheon can’t help but notice Kihyun is wearing Minhyuk’s clothes. It makes him feel weird. Jealous? No. Just weird.

“Kihyunnie’s staying the night so the couch is yours.” Minhyuk tells him, Kihyun sits down on the other side of the couch and Minhyuk slips his shoes on. “I need to get some more cigs, but I’ll be right back.”

Jooheon gets up, “I’ll come too.”

“Hang out with Kihyun for a bit, I’ll be quick.” Minhyuk says, a pleading look before he leaves. Jooheon gets the message: don’t leave Kihyun alone.

They sit in silence and then Kihyun speaks up. 

“So,” Kihyun started, “You and Minhyuk huh? Roommates?”

Jooheon feels nervous, like this kid can see right through him. He needs to know if his cover was blown, so he could at least ask Kihyun to keep it to himself. “Uh, yeah. Why?”

Kihyun squints his eyes, “Just asking.”

Jooheon doesn’t respond, but he can feel Kihyun’s eyes on him. Just like Minhyuk.

“So why did he tell you to sleep out here? Do you sleep _with_ him?”

Jooheon chokes on literally nothing and coughs awkwardly. “Sorry, what?”

“Do you guys sleep together?”

“No!” Jooheon shouts. “I mean, yes.” Kihyun looks surprised. “But not like that.”

“Not like what?” Kihyun laughs.

“Like, you know. _That._ ” Jooheon feels his face burning up. “He’s my friend.”

Kihyun nods. “Well, he’s my best friend. And I can tell he likes you.” Jooheon feels his heart racing. 

“He does?”

“Mhm,” Kihyun hums, smile present. “A lot.”

Jooheon doesn’t know what to say, so he just turns the TV up and pretends this isn’t the best news he’s ever heard.

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Minhyuk skips the cigarettes, heading for the only other house he knew how to get to by heart.

“Minhyuk? How are you I haven’t seen you for ages!” Kihyun’s mom welcomes Minhyuk into the house, smiling brightly, but an unasked question lingering.

“I’m good. Kihyun isn’t. He’s at my house for now, I wanted to stop by and let you know.” Minhyuk says, looking around. She sighs in relief and thanks him. “He’ll be home soon I’m sure, but is Changkyun here?”

“Should be. I don’t think he ever leaves.”

Minhyuk doesn’t hesitate to sprint upstairs. The door is shut and Minhyuk opens it slowly. Changkyun is on the bed, a six pack half gone in his lap and a can in his hand pressed against his lips. Minhyuk walks over before Changkyun can register he’s there and slaps it out of his hand.

“What the fuck dude?” Changkyun shouts. Minhyuk knows this isn’t going to end well, but he throws a punch as hard as he can into the left side of Changkyun’s face. 

Minhyuk is far smaller, but he takes the kicks into his sides as much as he can. He manages to get up and get a few more right hooks in before Kihyun’s mom is in the room, getting between them and threatening to call the cops.

That comment gets Changkyun to leave, taking his beer with him.

Kihyun’s mom tries to get Minhyuk to go to the hospital, but he declines, lying and telling her that his mom would take him in the morning. She lets him leave and he promises he’ll have Kihyun home within the week. 

It’s a long, painful walk home and Minhyuk keeps looking around for Changkyun, but he doesn’t see him. He hopes he never does again. He hopes the same thing for Kihyun.

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“What the fuck happened?” Jooheon asks, a split second after Kihyun.

Minhyuk shuts the door behind him and limps to the couch, sitting between the other two. He holds his sides and decides he’s in too much pain to get away with saying he’s okay without it being obvious he’s not. “Nothing. Just got caught with the cigarettes is all.” Minhyuk lies. Kihyun didn’t need to know.

“Holy shit, did he call the cops?” Kihyun asks before Jooheon can. Minhyuk shakes his head.

“I’m just not allowed back.”

“Is your side okay?” Jooheon asks, eyes searching Minhyuk’s body. “What about your lip? Want me to take a look?”

Kihyun runs to the bathroom and back, first aid kit in hand. “Here. I’ll run down the road and get some pain killers.”

Jooheon slips Minhyuk’s shirt off after Kihyun leaves, inspecting the dark marks already developing. “Jesus. That guy seriously did a number on you.”

Minhyuk nods, wincing as Jooheon touches and rubs icy hot cream over the worst parts. “About that,” Minhyuk says, making no eye contact and feeling a touch guilty for lying to Jooheon. “I didn’t get caught stealing.”

“You… didn’t?” Jooheon asks.

“I went to Kihyun’s house.” Minhyuk puts his shirt back on. “I couldn’t really stop myself, I wasn’t even thinking. I just see what Changkyun does to him, and I want to do the same thing to him.” Minhyuk feels better getting that out. “So I did. Or, tried to anyway. I’d have done more but he’s not a small dude.” Jooheon looks mad. No, pissed off. Minhyuk feels like that’s his fault. “Sorry for lying. I don’t want Kihyun to know.”

Jooheon doesn’t look any less upset. Minhyuk watches him put the kit back into the bathroom. Hears him slam the bathroom cupboard shut. Jooheon sits back down, jaw clenched and head resting atop his folded hands.

The tension hurts to ignore, but Minhyuk had already apologized for lying, there wasn’t really anything else he could do.

“Do you want some water?” Jooheon asks coldly, making no attempt at eye contact. Minhyuk shakes his head, afraid to speak. 

The door swings open and Kihyun returns with a convenience store bag. He gives Minhyuk some ibuprofen.

“I’ll pay you back.” Minhyuk promises.

“You don’t have to.” Kihyun smiles. “You letting me stay here is enough.”

“No problem.”

“And you don’t have to sleep in the room with me.”

Minhyuk doesn’t really want to sleep with an angry Jooheon. “Really? You sure?” Minhyuk asks, hoping for a change of mind.

“Really. We can talk in the morning.” Kihyun says, heading to bed. 

 

Minhyuk goes to the bathroom to waste some time, but he can only pretend to be brushing his teeth for so long before he comes back out to the living room. Jooheon looks even more upset than before.

“Why don’t you go to sleep?” Minhyuk asks, trying to sound casual. Jooheon looks over, fire in his eyes. “W-what?”

Jooheon gets up, pulling Minhyuk up with him and drags him into Minhyuk’s parents room. Minhyuk feels Jooheon press him against the wall. The lights are off and Minhyuk can’t see a thing.

“Where is he?”

“Who?”

“Whoever did this to you.” Jooheon growls. Minhyuk tries to move away. But Jooheon presses closer. “I’ll kill him.”

Minhyuk doesn’t know if he feels flattered that this is why Jooheon is so mad, or scared of what Jooheon is saying. Maybe a bit of both. 

“I don’t know.” Minhyuk whispers. Jooheon holds him there a moment longer, then walks to the bed and sits down. Minhyuk wanders through the dark and sits beside him. “It’s not really his fault. I hit him first.” Jooheon remains silent. “Hello?”

“Remember what you said a moment ago?” Jooheon asks, Minhyuk doesn’t have time to answer. “About how when you see what he does to Kihyun, it makes you want to do it to him?” Minhyuk nods. “Well now I understand that feeling.”

Minhyuk feels his heart sinking. That feeling was awful. Something Jooheon shouldn’t be feeling. He can’t find words. Minhyuk realizes something. He felt that way about Kihyun because he loved Kihyun. He felt like Kihyun was an amazing person who deserved everything. Did Jooheon feel that way about him?

Everything seems unreal as Minhyuk moves, placing himself over Jooheon’s legs and sitting face to face in Jooheon’s lap. He had a way of finding out. Jooheon’s hands instinctively hold Minhyuk’s sides as he leans forward.

Their lips touch for the second time, and they both move forward into it. It lasts a moment, but Minhyuk knows this is something he’ll never forget.

“I don’t want to let anyone hurt you.” Jooheon says, a small plead hidden somewhere in that sentence. Minhyuk understands.

“Don’t worry. I won’t leave your side again.”

Jooheon hugs Minhyuk close and breathes him in. He smells like cigarettes and strawberries. A weirdly comfortable combination.

Minhyuk gets up and turns the light on. Jooheon looks around. The room was covered in dark red and maroon tapestries. There were a million things on shelves that seemed to go along the entire room. Random things from rocks to shark tooth necklaces. It looks like a garage sale to Jooheon.

“Wow.” Is all he can get out. Minhyuk laughs, it makes Jooheon smile. He wants to make him laugh again. “They sure are collectors.”

“If that’s what you want to call them. I would say hoarders.”

Jooheon shrugs. “Same difference.” Minhyuk walks back to the bed, pausing and running his fingers over the covers. His eyes gloss over and the mood shifts. “What’s wrong?” Minhyuk moves away and turns the light back off. Jooheon waits for him to say something. Then he realizes what it is. “You miss them.”

A muffled sniffle comes from somewhere in the dark. Minhyuk gets back onto the bed at some point and Jooheon takes him into his arms. He lets Minhyuk cry without question. He was only sixteen, it would be hell to have to live alone at that age.

Jooheon lets Minhyuk slide away, hears him softly snore. At that age Jooheon had no other worries besides poetry homework and getting on the baseball team. At _that_ age Jooheon wasn’t feeling so alone because his parents left him.

Jooheon feels like a criminal, he feels frozen in place, like he’d been caught. Minhyuk was _sixteen_.

Jooheon feels sick. Was he taking advantage of this boy? He needed someone, the kids parents ditched him for fucks sake. And what was Jooheon doing, helping him get out, maybe giving him fatherly advice? No he was sleeping next to him in his fucking underwear and making out with him.

This wasn’t right. Jooheon knows that. He also knows he feels something for Minhyuk. Something he shouldn’t.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Kihyun wakes up early. He didn’t sleep well.

He had been checking his phone for a text until almost three. For some reason he thought maybe Changkyun would call. Say he’s sorry. Ask where he was. If he’d be home tonight. Kihyun knows he shouldn’t want that, but he does. He wants Changkyun to care.

Kihyun slips outside and starts walking home. He’d let Minhyuk sleep and call him later. He stops outside of his house. His mom’s car was gone, meaning she was already at work. Kihyun acts like he’s not disappointed when he walks in and doesn’t see Changkyun in his room. There’s a spot of what looks like blood, but Kihyun can’t tell if its wine. He hopes it’s wine.

Sitting on the bed, Kihyun pulls his phone out, he calls Changkyun.

“Hey. It’s me. Call me.” Kihyun leaves a message. It sounds dumb. He goes to call again, but stops. Maybe he shouldn’t have called. He texts: _that wasn’t meant for you, meant to call Minhyuk_. Kihyun rolls onto his side. 

That was lame. Changkyun would be able to tell he was lying. He calls Minhyuk and leaves a message there too. Kihyun sits up and looks out the window.

His phone buzzes.

Kihyun unlocks it in record time. It’s not Changkyun and Kihyun’s heart sinks.

_from: hyunwoo_

_want to have our double date 2nite?_

_to: hyunwoo_

_can’t, changkyun is on vaycay :/_

Kihyun feels weird lying, but it was better than trying to explain why he was obsessed with his abusive alcoholic boyfriend.

_from: hyunwoo_

_oh. wanna hang? just us. bored_

Kihyun hesitates. Changkyun might come back though. Then what would he tell Hyunwoo? _Oops, just kidding!_ It would be a mess. Kihyun goes to respond, to say another time, or something like that, but pauses.

Maybe he should. The only other thing he had planned for today was to obsessively stare at his phone and wait for Changkyun to call. He hadn’t seen Hyunwoo in awhile.

With a better mood, Kihyun texts back:

_to: hyunwoo_

_sure, meet u here at 5?_

Hyunwoo confirms and Kihyun feels like maybe his life doesn’t need to revolve around Changkyun for him to have a life.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Minhyuk wakes up to no Jooheon in bed and a missed call from Kihyun. He listens to the voicemail and then stretches out. Minhyuk smiles instantly when remembering last night. It was like a dream. Well, not all of it. Changkyun beating the shit out of him was more of a nightmare, but whatever.

He leaves the bedroom and spots Jooheon asleep in front of the TV. Minhyuk frowns. “Hey.”

Jooheon stirs when Minhyuk touches his side. “Hello?”

“Wake up sleepy.” Minhyuk’s face comes into focus and Jooheon sits up, leaning away from the touch. “Why are you sleeping out here?”

Jooheon rubs his eyes. How should he explain? Maybe he could white-lie his way for now. “You kept kicking me in your sleep. Figured you were having nightmares, decided to opt out for the couch.” Minhyuk seems to buy that and pecks Jooheon on the head. Jooheon watches him walk over to the fridge.

“Eggs and toast?” Minhyuk asks. Jooheon feels awkward. Obviously Minhyuk thought they were something more than what they used to be. Of course he does. Jooheon kissed him last night. 

Jooheon clears his throat, “No thanks. I uh, have to meet someone somewhere today. I’ll eat when I get back.” Minhyuk looks a little disappointed.

“Not Hyungwon, right?” Minhyuk asks. Jooheon shakes his head. “Good. Have fun!” Jooheon has never seen Minhyuk look so bright and happy, it’s making it harder to do what he was about to do.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Jooheon does go to Hyungwon.

 

“You what?”

“I want off the case.” Jooheon repeats. Hyungwon puts his coffee down and looks at Jooheon like he’s crazy. Not that Jooheon didn’t feel totally crazy in this moment. 

“Why? You’ve been looking for something to pull you up, cases like these do that Jooheon.” Hyungwon explains needlessly. “You can get that raise you’ve wanted if you complete this.”

Jooheon sighs, “I know. I don’t want the raise. I don’t want anything to do with this case anymore.” 

Hyungwon looks at him in disbelief, but finally accepts what he’s hearing. “I don’t get you, but alright.” Jooheon nods. “Let me see your case file. I’ll give it to whoever is assigned to it.”

Jooheon takes a moment. He knows he could go to jail for this. “Here.” Hyungwon opens the folder and reads. Jooheon holds his breath. 

“This… is it?” Hyungwon asks. “Why didn’t you just tell me it was a bust?” Hyungwon continues on. Jooheon shrugs. “Hm. I guess it’s case closed then.” Jooheon lets himself breathe again. “Good work. I’ll let you know your next case sometime later this month. Oh, and I’ll let the big boss know you’re now in need of a raise.” He finishes the sentence with a wink.

Jooheon quickly says goodbye and leaves. He can’t believe he did that. He had spent all night forging documents and filling out false case reports for it to look like Minhyuk’s parents had left him to take care of family overseas. He also had forged paperwork saying Minhyuk was emancipated and could legally be left alone.

He didn’t know what else to do. He couldn't let Minhyuk be taken away. That would have destroyed him. Jooheon also couldn’t let anyone find out about his and Minhyuk’s relationship. That would have ruined his life. He didn’t have a choice.

The sun was out and shining and Jooheon didn’t know how to enjoy it. Not when he had to think of a way to tell Minhyuk everything. Not when he knew he needed to pretend he was only doing his job, to tell Minhyuk it was an accident. That he didn’t meant to lead him on. To kiss him.

Jooheon kicks a rock down the road. 

How do you do tell someone you didn’t mean to fall in love?

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌


	2. Chapter 2

Kihyun is happy that he let go of the thought of Changkyun long enough to invite Hyunwoo over.

Hyunwoo is bubbly as ever and Kihyun is too deep into the takeout and movie that was brought over to care where his phone is. Kihyun laughs so hard his side starts to ache and Hyunwoo is doubled over laughing too. The movie was of course a comedy, the only thing Hyunwoo watches. 

Kihyun feels a little sad when the credits start to roll, but content. “That was _really_ good!” Kihyun says, taking another piece of chicken onto his plate. Hyunwoo takes the dvd out and puts it back into the case, nodding.

“It was. I’ve never got around to seeing it, but I had it sitting in my room forever now.” Hyunwoo says, eyes glistening from all the happy tears they’d been shedding throughout the entire thing. “Wonho is really into horror flicks as of late and I couldn’t get him to watch a minute of it. Figured you’d be more into it.”

Kihyun talks between a few bites, “That’s weird. Wonho always watched action flicks with me. Wonder what changed.” 

Hyunwoo shrugs, smile falling off his face. “What hasn’t changed.”

The comment catches Kihyun off guard. “Is.. everything okay between you two?”

Hyunwoo puts his dish down. “Not really. He just seems different anymore. Everything from how he dresses to his favorite foods have switched.” Hyunwoo confesses. “I wonder if the Wonho I asked out is even there.”

Kihyun feels bad, doesn’t really know what to say, but his mouth is on autopilot. “I get that.”

“You do?” Hyunwoo asks, surprised.

“Yeah,” Kihyun admits. “Sometimes it can seem like they have two sides. Like there’s a switch somewhere and you have to bend over backwards to find it. Only for them to flick it back off once you do.”

Hyunwoo nods. “Does Changkyun have one of those switches?”

Kihyun feels embarrassed. “Yeah.” He stirs his noodles and sits in silence. This was the first time Kihyun had told anyone about his love troubles that wasn’t Minhyuk or his mom.

“Don’t hurt yourself trying to find it. Some people don’t want you to.” Hyunwoo says after a while. Kihyun looks up, but Hyunwoo is staring at the ground. “It’s not worth it.”

“I know.”

Hyunwoo looks up and Kihyun meets his eyes. There’s something there, and Kihyun _feels_ it. He feels it pulling at him, moving him closer, making him tilt his head to meet Hyunwoo in the middle of his bed. They don’t stop after one. They melt into each other, hungry for another. Then another and another and another and then one more.

Kihyun pulls back first.

Hyunwoo licks his lips and stares back at him. Kihyun ignores the growing urge to lean back in. “My mom will be home soon.” He blurts out.

“I have soccer practice.” Hyunwoo says, they both grab the same takeout container to throw out and they both apologize at the same time. “I’ll text you later?”

Kihyun hears the question in what should have been a statement. “Okay.”

Hyunwoo nods, finishes cleaning up and Kihyun walks him to the door.

“See ya.”

“Bye.” Kihyun shuts the door, then runs up to his room and presses his face into his pillow before screaming. He feels like a teenage girl in a corney teen movie.

Did that happen? Did he kiss Hyunwoo? Or did Hyunwoo kiss him? Kihyun shakes his head, he can’t remember. The only thing he remembers is how it felt. So good. Like it was the only thing he’d ever done right. 

Kihyun grabs his phone and sets the ring on high. He didn’t want to miss a text.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Jooheon doesn’t return to Minhyuk’s until almost eight. He had gone back to his place, planned what he was going to say, then planned it again. About twenty times in total.

Minhyuk is on the couch, the familiar smell of cigarette smoke filling his lungs. It makes him smile. “Hey.”

Minhyuk jumps up, “Hey! You were gone a long time. How was your friend?”

Jooheon sits down, flinching when Minhyuk slides over and puts a hand on his knee. “Good. Kind of. What did you do all day?”

“Kind of?” Minhyuk asks, ignoring Jooheon’s question.

“Yeah, he uh, had a situation he didn’t know how to handle.” Jooheon says.

Minhyuk sits the cigarette in the ashtray. “What was it?”

Jooheon thinks for a moment. “He asked me what he should do if he fell in love with someone who it was bad to be with.”

“Like how it’s bad for Kihyun to be with Changkyun?” Minhyuk asks.

“No,” Jooheon avoids Minhyuk’s eyes. His beautiful, warm, brown eyes. “Like, it could get him in trouble. Legal trouble.”

Minhyuk laughs. “What about love is illegal?”

“A few things can make it not okay. Like an age gap.” Jooheon says awkwardly. “Or it getting between you and your work.”

“Is that what happened?” Minhyuk asks. Jooheon nods. “What did you tell him?”

Jooheon shakes his head, “I told him if he knew it was wrong, he should end it. Even if it hurts them.” Jooheon steals a quick look at Minhyuk. He looks concentrated, deep in thought. At peace and not at war with something in his head for once.

“That seems wrong though. If you love someone it shouldn’t matter. Nothing should matter.”

Jooheon feels his heart beating, “Even if it’s illegal?”

“They could wait a few years. As long as he’s not a pedophile? And try to let each other work without getting in the way, that would be the better way to do things. And not that hard to be honest, they sound like idiots.” Minhyuk answers confidently. 

Jooheon leaves it at that and watches the TV. Maybe he could tell Minhyuk. But how would he react to knowing Jooheon was lying this whole time? That he wasn’t seventeen. It might creep him out, make him run away. Or worse. Make him tell someone. Jooheon feels like a total freak thinking about trying to shut Minhyuk up if the younger tried to tell someone about all of this.

Minhyuk slides himself into Jooheon’s lap. “I missed you.”

The sudden intimate confession makes Jooheon blush and he looks anywhere but at Minhyuk. “Ah, really?” Jooheon asks, hands gently pulling Minhyuk off.

“What is it?” Minhyuk asks, picking up on the vibe Jooheon was giving off.

“Maybe you should be less intimate.” Jooheon says gently, making sure he didn’t sound mad. Minhyuk just stares at him. “Is that okay?” 

Minhyuk blinks. “Oh. Uh, yeah. Sorry. I- I just thought after, after last night….” He trails off. Jooheon can finish the sentence, but he doesn’t need to.

“No, I understand. It seemed like that.” Jooheon says, feeling his heart ache. Minhyuk was holding back from crying, it was obvious. 

“It’s not like that?” Minhyuk asks, his voice cracking. 

Jooheon bites his lip. He couldn’t do this.

“No, it. It is. It just can’t be right now.” Jooheon says, simultaneously aware and unaware of what he was saying. He hoped Minhyuk got the hint.

“Not, not now?” Minhyuk asks, “Then when?”

Jooheon looks down. “I don’t know. I uh, I want to take things slower is all. I feel like you’re not in a good place.”

Minhyuk looks desperate to understand what Jooheon was saying. “I can go slow. I can tone it down, is that what you want?” Minhyuk asks, talking fast and wiping the tears away.

Jooheon doesn’t know, doesn’t _want_ to tell him that’s not it. He can’t. Minhyuk means so much to him. He wasn’t just another case. He never was to Jooheon. He was a friend. A friend that he spent enough time with to find out he was more than a friend.

“Yeah, tone it down.” Jooheon says.

“God, I thought you were leaving or something!” Minhyuk shouts, relief flooding his voice. Jooheon cracks a smile. Minhyuk smiles back and he moves to the other side of the couch. It’s farther away, but it’s close enough for Jooheon to pretend this was all okay.

He could pull this off a little longer. As long as it meant Minhyuk was happy.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Kihyun can’t stop thinking.

About Hyunwoo. About the kiss. About Changkyun. About what anything meant. Was he a cheater now? Were he and Changkyun even together anymore? Was Hyunwoo okay with what they did? Did he want it to happen again?

“Are you going to eat?” His mom asks, pointing to his untouched bowl of soup. 

Kihyun feels like he’s astral projecting, like his body is here, but his spirit has flown away. “Uh. Yes. Later, I’ll eat later.”

Kihyun’s mom sighs. “Okay, but please eat with me tomorrow. I missed these family dinners. Just you and me. Like old times, huh?”

“Yeah, old times.” Kihyun smiles. He did miss old times. Like eight hours ago when he didn’t have to question what he was doing making out with his friends boyfriend. “Love you.” Kihyun says, rushing back to his room.

He grabs his cell, there’s an unread text.

_from: hyunwoo_

_hey._

Kihyun feels excited and nervous all at once.

_to: hyunwoo_

_hi_

He hopes Hyunwoo isn’t going to ignore what happened, because honestly, Kihyun was beginning to wonder if he imagined it.

_from: hyunwoo_

_want to meet up? i’m done w practice_

 

_to: hyunwoo_

_where at_

 

_from: hyunwoo_

_the park?_

Kihyun doesn’t feel like he could possibly say no.

 

“You look sweaty.” Kihyun says when he gets to the park. He had practically ran there. Hyunwoo was busy on his phone and only just notices Kihyun.

“I am.” Hyunwoo laughs. Kihyun sits on the swing next to him. The sun had set, but the street lamps were glowing bright, giving everything a light blue wash of color. It was pretty. “I wanted to tell you in person, that I didn’t mean for that to happen. It just did. And you can blame it on me.” 

Kihyun stares blankly. “This is where you say something like, how dare you.” Hyunwoo awkwardly jokes.

Kihyun takes a second, “I feel like it takes two to kiss, so don’t feel at fault. I honestly can’t remember much, it happened all at once in a way. So we can just put it behind us.” A part of Kihyun doesn’t want to put anything about Hyunwoo behind him, but he also doesn’t understand where he and Changkyun stand with each other. 

Hyunwoo smiles and does that cute thing with his eyes. “Was it bad?”

“Huh?” Kihyun asks, flustered.

“Am I good?” Hyunwoo asks again, laughing right after asking. “You don’t have to answ-”

“Y-yeah. You’re pretty good.” Kihyun interrupts. 

Hyunwoo smiles, looks down and plays with his hands. “You are too.”

“Thanks.” Kihyun doesn’t know what else to say. Hyunwoo stands up. “Do you need to go?” Kihyun hates that he sounds like a little kid.

“Actually, I do. You can come too, though. If you want.” Hyunwoo says.

“Cool. Where to?”

“My house. Just for a little, I figured we could play some video games or something. It’s been nice catching up.” Hyunwoo says. Kihyun feels like he’s having another out of body experience.

 

Hyunwoo lives in town, in an apartment with his mom and dad, who both aren’t home. They talk as they walk, about Hyunwoo’s upcoming game, how they both were dreading school starting up and everything else they hadn’t talked about in awhile.

“Make yourself at home.” Hyunwoo tells him as they enter the house and walk into his room.

Kihyun sits on the bed and Hyunwoo disappears to change out of his sweaty clothes and take a quick shower. The room is small. Enough for a tiny desk, chair, small TV and a twin sized bed. Kihyun admires the posters on the wall.

Somewhere in the room a phone goes off. It’s not Kihyun’s, and he quickly spots Hyunwoo’s cell. Kihyun picks it up, the screen already unlocked.

“Can you hand me that?” Hyunwoo shouts from the bathroom. Kihyun figures Hyunwoo heard it go off, so he takes it over to him. He knocks on the door. “Thanks.” Hyunwoo says, hand slipping through the mostly closed door. It clicks shut again and Kihyun returns to the bedroom. 

A few more minutes pass by and Kihyun finds himself looking through the other movies Hyunwoo had collected.

As he shuffles through the tv stand he comes across a photo of Hyunwoo and Wonho. Kissing. Kihyun feels guilty. Not guilty for being there, but for what happened earlier that day. And maybe a little bit for being there. Kihyun just feels like if Changkyun kissed someone by… accident, that he wouldn’t want him hanging out with that person alone. At their house. In their bedroom.

“Find something you wanna watch?” Hyunwoo asks from behind him. Kihyun jolts and turns around. He looks up at Hyunwoo, who’s only in a pale blue towel that’s loosely wrapped around his waist.

“N-No. Just looking.” Kihyun can feel his jaw fall open, but can’t seem to close it. “What game are we playing?”

Hyunwoo walks over to his dresser, picks a pair of shorts out and drops his towel. Kihyun looks back to the pile of dvds. “Overwatch? Left for dead?” 

“Left for dead sounds good.” Kihyun manages, trying to not take a peak. Kihyun looks back over when Hyunwoo grabs two controllers and puts the game into the console. “Where’s, um, Wonho?” Kihyun asks, he doesn’t know why. Maybe to make sure he wasn’t going to walk in on him and Hyunwoo… playing video games? Kihyun shakes his head. He had nothing to worry about, Hyunwoo was his friend. Earlier was an accident. Nothing more.

Hyunwoo glances at his cell and then sits on the bed, shirtless back against the wall, feet dangling over the edge. “At a friends. Why?” Hyunwoo meets his eyes. “Does it matter?”

“No. Well, I don’t know?” 

“Am I not allowed to have friends over?” Hyunwoo asks. 

Kihyun feels stupid. “You are. Let’s play.”

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Jooheon must have dozed off watching the television, because when he wakes up it’s quite late. Minhyuk is on the phone with someone, but he hangs up when he sees Jooheon is awake.

“So?”

“So...what?” Jooheon yawns.

“How are we sleeping? You want my room?” Minhyuk asks. 

Jooheon is confused. “Kihyun isn't here, don’t we both sleep in there?” Jooheon asks.

“I thought you said to tone it down.”

Fuck. Jooheon had said that. “Right.” Jooheon says. It would make things easier if he started putting distance between them now. “I’ll stay out here, thanks.”

Minhyuk nods, unmoving. Jooheon feels like he should just leave at this point, but he can’t get up. There wasn’t another place he wants to be other than in Minhyuk’s presence. He wants so badly to tell Minhyuk everything, but he’s scared. Minhyuk might not have any feelings for him after he knows the truth.

He might never see him again. Jooheon needs to be okay with that, but he’s not.

“Minhyuk?”

“Yes?”

“I might be in a situation.” Jooheon says suddenly, on impulse. 

Minhyuk blinks. “A situation?”

“Like the one my friend is in.”

“Oh.” Minhyuk falls silent for a moment. Something clicks. “With me?”

“Yes.” Jooheon regrets saying anything. He feels like he’s playing with fire. Minhyuk looks mad. What did he expect? Minhyuk didn’t take anything lightly. Nothing could be felt half hearted with him. “Don’t be mad.”

“Mad? You think I’m _mad?_

__Jooheon can’t speak._ _

__“How old are you?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“I said how old are you, idiot. You don’t have a job so obviously you lied to me about your age.” Minhyuk snears. “If you say thirty I’m calling the cops.”_ _

__Jooheon stands up. “I look thirty?”_ _

__“Answer the question.”_ _

__“Nineteen.”_ _

__Minhyuk stares, an odd look in his eyes and his jaw set tight. Jooheon feels awkward. Feels like he betrayed Minhyuk, more than he even knew. “Did you lie about anything else?”_ _

__Jooheon opens his mouth to tell Minhyuk about his job._ _

__He was lucky Minhyuk wasn’t screaming at him to get out of his house. This was surely a sign from god to not fuck this up and just keep quiet. He couldn’t lose Minhyuk. What they had Jooheon knew he wouldn’t find anywhere else. A part of Jooheon reminds himself that that’s because what him and Minhyuk have is illegal on multiple levels at this point._ _

__Jooheon reconsiders for a moment. He needs to tell Minhyuk, to get all of this garbage out of the way so they could be together without him worrying._ _

__But what if Minhyuk leaves? What if he tells someone? Then what? Go to jail? Move across the country and get a new identity?_ _

__“No.”_ _

__He didn’t want to throw himself under that bus. Not yet._ _

__

____

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Kihyun keeps losing and Hyunwoo keeps rubbing it in his face.

“Would you shut up? You’re only good because you sit on your ass and play all day. Lazy.” Kihyun mumbles the last part.

Hyunwoo laughs, throwing his controller at Kihyun. “Lazy? Please, I run five miles every morning. Where are your abs?”

Kihyun scoffs. “Oh wow, just because you have abs you think you’re better than me.”

“No,” Hyunwoo says. “I think I’m better than you because you’re getting mad over a video game.”

“I said shut up.”

“Make me.”

Kihyun throws his controller at Hyunwoo, hitting him in the gut from where he sat on the bed. “It’s gonna take more than that to shut me up.” Kihyun gets up and pushes Hyunwoo's chest. “Ouch, you’re so strong, be careful.” Hyunwoo laughs, mockingly. Kihyun gets on the bed and pushes him a little harder. “Are you seriously even trying?”

“Would you shut up?”

“Would you make me already?”

Kihyun doesn’t hesitate, just pushes his body against Hyunwoo’s, pressing their lips together. It’s just like before. Feels so right, Kihyun can’t stop. Feels himself falling into Hyunwoo even further than last time. Hyunwoo’s hands running down his sides, pulling them closer. The fire Kihyun can feel building is so intense he almost physically feels like Hyunwoo is burning him.

A loud ring rips them apart. Hyunwoo’s hands disappear and he grabs his phone, picking up on the second ring.

“Hey babe, what’s up?”

Kihyun immediately slides off the bed, filling with instant shame and busies himself with putting the video game back into its case. What was he thinking? Kissing Hyunwoo once could be called a mistake, but twice? In the same day? 

Despite it being wrong, Kihyun was single. Kind of. Hyunwoo wasn’t. But did he want to be? Everything was spinning in Kihyun’s head.

“Ok, see you soon. Love you too.” Hyunwoo hangs up and the tension fills the space in between them. “Uh, so...?”

Kihyun doesn’t know what to say, but also knows he needs to say something. Anything. “So what is this?” Kihyun asks. In a really fucked up way he wants more. He’s hoping Hyunwoo wants more too.

“I don’t know. But I like this.” Hyunwoo says. “Whatever, _this_ , is.”

Kihyun nods. “Me too.”

“Can we do this again?”

Kihyun nods once more. “Yes.”

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“I always knew you were older.” Minhyuk says. “I just felt it. You’re kind of like a dad, but hotter. And not my dad.”

“Thank.. You?” Jooheon doesn’t know what to make of that. “We should go to bed.” 

After Jooheon had made his confession, part of it at least, Minhyuk had them playing poker and giving Jooheon the third degree over being shy to telling him his age. Minhyuk ended up not caring at all, in fact, the reaction had Jooheon thinking maybe he could tell him the rest, but the rest was more than just a few years between them. It was a tangle of broken laws and lies. 

Besides, Minhyuk thought he had told him everything. So that was going to be everything for a little longer.

“Do you still need distance?” Minhyuk asks.

Jooheon shakes his head. “I told you, so as long as that didn’t change anything and as long as you’re comfortable.” 

“I’d love you at any age. Well, maybe not fifty. That’s gross.” Minhyuk laughs. Jooheon laughs too. “I do feel a little uncomfortable about something though.”

Jooheon’s laugh gets stuck in his throat. “What is it?”

“You slept with Hyungwon, but not me. When can we do that?”

Jooheon feels his face burning. “Um, lets just let it happen. Ok? We’ll do that when we do. No rush.”

Minhyuk seems satisfied with that and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it. Jooheon watches him put the cards back into the little cardboard box in between puffs. He was trying to distract himself from the feeling eating its way through his heart and mind. 

The feeling of absolute guilt. The moment Jooheon tells Minhyuk he has to be prepared to lose everything. His job, his freedom, Minhyuk. Jooheon could feel himself sweating, like he was already caught. 

“You okay?” Minhyuk asks. “You’re shaking.”

Jooheon looks up, then down at his hands. He _was_ shaking. “Y-yeah. I need a shower.” Jooheon rushes to the bathroom, practically slamming the door and immediately throwing up into the toilet. God, what was he doing? This was all so wrong and all he’d been doing since he discovered this feeling for Minhyuk was lie to himself and try to convince himself it was fine. That it was only kind of wrong.

This was not just kind of wrong. It was criminal and Jooheon doesn’t remember how he got here. Or how to get out of here..

Jooheon starts a shower and lets hot water run over him. He calms down a bit. Maybe he had dug himself a hole, but he decided right then and there he was going to fix this. He just needed to find Minhyuk’s parents.

 

In the morning Jooheon gets up before Minhyuk. They had fallen asleep watching TV on the couch and Jooheon had tried to get as much info on Minhyuk’s parents as he could without making him suspicious. 

All he had learned is that both his parents were also smokers, they loved gambling and it had now been about two months since they were last home with Minhyuk. Minhyuk had also shown him a photo of them. His dad, Lee Hui and mother, Lee Jieun, had been married for twenty years. Minhyuk had told him he thought his father dabbled in illegal drugs. Jooheon couldn’t get any more details, as bringing up the subject made Minhyuk sensitive after a while.

Jooheon gets dressed and writes out a short note for Minhyuk, leaving it on the fridge with a magnet. He grabs the photo of the Lee’s that Minhyuk had showed him last night and heads out the door, making his way to his apartment.

The walk is kind of long, but Jooheon was never given a case that was near his place, it was a policy his job had. Something about making sure there was no connection to the person you’d be working on. Probably to prevent what had happened to Jooheon, where feelings get too involved.

When he opens the door and turns on the lights, Jooheon takes a moment to soak in the fact that he was home. It didn’t feel nice and relaxing like it usually did when he was back home from working a case. Typically he would come back and smile, water his plants, take a shower in his bathroom where everything was exactly as he left it and then spend a few days adjusting back to his normal before taking up a new case.

This time it feels weird. Off in a way that Jooheon can only explain as a lack of Minhyuk. A house isn't complete without the scent of fresh cigarette smoke and something blaring a little too loud on the TV screen.

Jooheon walks further in and heads straight to his bedroom. He opens his closet and decides to change into something formal for today's activity. He didn’t want to stand out when he got to where he was heading, which he wasn’t entirely sure where that was going to be, yet.

He quickly puts on black slacks and a matching button up suit jacket. He glances in the mirror and takes notice of how rugged he looks. He had been putting in so much effort to look like the homeless seventeen year old that he had told Minhyuk he was that he hadn’t really taken care of himself like he usually did. Jooheon takes some time to shave his face and slick back his hair. He’d get a haircut some other day.

His phone is somewhere in the living room and after a little searching, Jooheon locates is. He pulls up a search engine and makes a list of all the big name casinos in the area. This was the only lead he really had and Jooheon was going to thoroughly check every gambling arena until he had something else to go on.

Jooheon grabs his car keys, some cash, a pair of dark sunglasses, a fake police badge he used from a previous case where he was disguised as an undercover officer and heads outside to his garage. He gets into his 2010 honda accord and pulls out onto the street and drives, something Jooheon hasn’t done in some time.

 

It takes about forty minutes to get to the closest casino. The outside was lit up in wild neon colors. Jooheon parks and heads in. It’s packed and Jooheon goes to the front desk and picks out the youngest looking employee, someone who wouldn’t ask too many questions. 

“Hello, my name is detective Lee Jooheon.” Jooheon flashes his badge to the young woman. She widens her eyes. “I request access to your records in relevance to a missing persons case, will you cooperate?” She nods quickly. “Good, I need you to check any databases available for the names Lee Hui and Jieun. How long will that take?”

The girl scrambles to type into the computer in front of her. “U-umm, maybe ten minutes? At most, sir. Would you like to ask my manager questions?” She asks. “He’s here more than me and could probably help you better-”

“No thank you, bring what you find to me, I’ll be at the blackjack table.” Jooheon puts his sunglasses into his pocket and rolls up his sleeves. 

He looks around for any security, a little worried the girl at the counter would call for her manager and ask him for identification. Jooheon doesn’t see anyone and walks over to the table to watch the current game being played. 

“Excuse me, sir?” Jooheon turns around, it’s the girl from the counter. Jooheon whips on his glasses, not wanting anyone to be able to describe him in case he gets caught impersonating an officer. “I have a few records of a Lee Hui, but it’s from a few years ago? Would you like me to print the exact dates off?”

Jooheon shakes his head, that was from too long ago. Jooheon needed something more recent. “No thank you, I’ll be in contact if I need anything else. Keep this between me and you, if any details of the names get out we could lose any leads we have.” The girl nods and Jooheon heads out.

There were about five other casinos within a few hours of driving distance and Jooheon was going to repeat this process until he found something.

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Kihyun wakes up later than usual. The bright afternoon sun shines into his room and over his face. He blinks slowly and sits up.

Details of last night start coming back, Kihyun groans and flops back down. His head hurts just thinking about the last thing he’d said to Hyunwoo. He had told him he wanted more of whatever they had going on. It’s not that he lied, but Kihyun still feels guilty. Him and Changkyun hadn’t talked in a few days, but Kihyun can’t decide if he is or isn’t with him.

He has unresolved feelings despite how Changkyun treated him last they were together and at the same time Kihyun felt as if it was his responsibility to save Changkyun and help him get sober. Even if Changkyun wasn’t physically there, his reminder was all over Kihyun’s heart and house. Little things like a shirt on the floor or the extra tooth-brush in the bathroom makes Kihyun miss him.

Kihyun’s cell rings just then, he’s relieved to see it’s just Minhyuk.

“Hello?”

 _”Hey, where are you?”_ Minhyuk asks.

“Home, why? Is something wrong?”

There’s a pause. _”Kind of. Uhh, Jooheon isn’t here.”_

“Oh,” Kihyun says, “Did he go home?”

_”He doesn’t really have one, that’s why I’m worried.”_

“He’s probably at the store or something. Don’t worry about it.”

Minhyuk still sounds overwhelmed, _”Yeah, you’re right. But what if he’s hurt?”_

Kihyun sighs. “You’re such an overthinker. Want me to come over?”

_”I’m just looking out for him! Yes come over and help me chill before I smoke all my cigs.”_

Kihyun laughs at that and hangs up so he can get ready. A text came in while he was on the phone, it’s from Hyunwoo. Kihyun doesn’t wait to open it.

_from hyunwoo:_

_can u come over?_

Kihyun at least has an excuse to say no and not have to sort through deciding what they were just yet.

_to hyunwoo:_

_can’t rn_

 

_from hyunwoo:_

_please don’t avoid me, we need 2 talk abt last night_

 

Kihyun feels his heart pick up its pace in his chest. What about last night? Did Hyunwoo change his mind about how he felt? Or maybe he told Wonho. Kihyun really hopes he didn’t tell him. Wonho was very confrontational and would have no problem kicking Kihyun’s ass, he was sure of it.

He ignores the fear in the back of his mind and gets dressed, walking fast to get to Minhyuk’s.

 

Minhyuk is outside smoking when Kihyun walks up his driveway. “How many did you get through?” Kihyun asks, picking up the carton sitting beside his best friend. It’s got two left.

“Enough.” Minhyuk answers, looking up and down the street.

“Yeah, I’d say.” Kihyun huffs. His cell goes off and it’s Hyunwoo again. He turns the screen off. 

Minhyuk looks over. “Who’s that?” 

“No one.”

“Liar.” Minhyuk throws the butt and stomps on it with his heel. “Was it Changkyun?”

“No.”

“Good. I’d kick your ass if you took him back at this point.” Minhyuk says. Kihyun can tell his friend his being serious. It’s kind of scary. 

Kihyun decides Minhyuk knowing wouldn’t hurt. “It’s Hyunwoo.”

“Wonho’s boyfriend?”

Kihyun winces. “Yep.”

“You guys are friends now?” Minhyuk asks.

“Well, sort of.” Kihyun says. Minhyuk shoots him a look. “We kissed.”

Minhyuk’s mouth drops open before turning into a smirk, “You slut! Doesn’t Wonho know?”

“Shut up, god no. What’s wrong with you?”

“Me? You’re the one playing with someone else boy toy.” Minhyuk laughs.

Kihyun kicks him. “It’s not all me!” Kihyun says, summarizing the two occasions where he ‘played with Wonho’s toy’.

“Wow,” Minhyuk leads them inside. “But you do realize it’s still wrong, even if you both want it? Wonho needs to go or know.” Kihyun had a feeling Minhyuk would say something like that. Mostly because he himself knew that.

“How do I know if Hyunwoo likes me enough to leave Wonho though?” Kihyun asks. Minhyuk lights another cigarette.

“You don’t.” He states simply. “But he can’t have you both.”

“So what do I do?”

Minhyuk takes a long drag, “You make him choose. Meet up with him and tell him if he wants to keep going with you he has to dump Wonho.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. To him, to Wonho. To Changkyun.”

“Whoa! Back up.” Minhyuk shouts. “You and Changkyun are _done_. You know that right?”

Kihyun doesn’t say anything. He hadn’t truly taken in that as a fact, but hearing someone else say what he had been thinking made it real. It felt the opposite. Unreal. Kihyun can’t stop himself from crying. Thinking of letting Changkyun go, forever, was hurting him. 

“Minhyuk, I love him.”

Minhyuk puts out his smoke even though it’s only half used. He scoots over, until he’s right beside Kihyun and puts his arms around him. “Kihyun. Yoo Kihyun, listen to me,” Minhyuk says softly. “I know that you love him. But he doesn’t love you. Maybe he did at one time, but he doesn’t anymore. You have to let him stay out of your life.”

Kihyun wipes the tears away, but more keep coming. Instead of every bad moment coming to his mind, all the good ones flash in a row. The Changkyun he loves, the one that didn’t smell like liquor on a Monday morning. The one that Kihyun gave everything to, his first kiss, his first boyfriend, his first everything.

“He hurts you all the time, Kihyun.” Minhyuk continues. “He’s not going to change and you don’t have to waste your life trying to get him to. You deserve to enjoy this time in your life.” Minhyuk can’t help choking up seeing his friend like this. “You don’t need him and you don’t need Hyunwoo. You don’t need anyone, but if you ever find someone who shows you they want you and they act like it, and you want them too; then you’ll be happy.”

Kihyun presses into Minhyuk, nodding. “Y-yeah. You’re right. I know. Minhyuk, I loved him though.”

“I know.” Minhyuk smiles. “But you said you _loved_ him this time. You’re gonna get over him.”

Kihyun laughs, he hadn’t even noticed. “Thank you.”

Minhyuk smiles and gets up, relighting his cigarette and heading to the fridge. “Now when you see Hyunwoo you let him know you’re too god damn amazing to be an afterthought. Got it?”

Kihyun nods. He knew Changkyun wasn’t coming back now. He didn’t know it before, but he could tell now. He felt the need to go home and clean out his room.

“I have to eat dinner with my mom, so I have to get going.”

“Alright, call me if you need me.” Minhyuk waves and turns back to the fridge when Kihyun leaves. There was nothing good, so he shuts the door, loosening a paper that floats to the floor.

Minhyuk picks it up

_Minhyuk,  
I have to meet with my friend again, I might be home late so don’t worry about me_

_I love you  
-Jooheon_

Minhyuk wants to be mad that Jooheon didn’t wake him up to tell him this, but he can’t stop smiling over the end of the note.

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Jooheon gives up around three in the morning. None of the casinos he visited had any useful information. A few of them didn’t even keep records or recent footage of their customers, reusing the same tapes everyday. The chances of the casino having footage of Minhyuk’s parents from the day he asked them to check was slim to none, they would have had to been there the same day Jooheon was.

He drove fast, wanting to get back to his house so he could change. He felt a little helpless in this moment. He didn’t have anything else to go on and he feels bad every time he brings the subject up with Minhyuk. Jooheon can’t help but feel angry with himself. He wouldn’t even be on this wild goose chase if it wasn’t for his careless mistakes.

Despite feeling nothing but love for Minhyuk, a part of him wished he’d never got the case. That he would have just met Minhyuk some other way. A way where Jooheon didn’t need to lie, not even once.

Jooheon pulls into his garage and tiredly walks in. He knows he has a long walk home and decides to take a quick break and lay down in his bed. It feels good and comfortable, but kind of wrong. Something was missing.

Minhyuk.

Jooheon opens his eyes, not even noticing when they had closed. He hopes Minhyuk saw his note and isn’t too upset with his sudden absence. Minhyuk. The name felt more like home than his actual bed. It makes Jooheon think: what was life before Minhyuk? Getting up, going to work, maybe hang out with Hyungwon here and there. Go home, eat, shower, sleep. Life was so mundane.

Maybe Jooheon unconsciously knew how boring his life was and that’s why someone like Minhyuk was so exciting. Minhyuk was bright and unpredictable. No two days were ever the same with him. Jooheon finds himself smiling at the thought.

Then he finds himself scared. Minhyuk was a case. A part of Jooheon’s work. If Minhyuk knew that… 

Minhyuk needed to know. And if he wouldn’t accept Jooheon after knowing, then that would be Jooheon’s punishment for lying and taking things too far with someone who didn’t even know who he really was. Minhyuk didn’t even know about this apartment. Minhyuk still thought he was some street kid with nothing to his name.

Jooheon didn’t want him to think that anymore. No matter what happens afterwards, Jooheon was going to tell him. 

 

Minhyuk opens the door, he looks upset, but throws his arms around Jooheon as he walks into the house.

“I was really worried! It’s almost five in the morning!” Minhyuk lets him go and stands back to give Jooheon a stern look. Jooheon can’t help but find the expression adorable.

“Did you see my note?” Jooheon asks. Minhyuk nods. “Then you shouldn’t have been worried, you knew where I was and that I’d be home late.” 

Minhyuk huffs. “You could have waited until I was up to leave.”

“I had to go early.”

“Why?”

Jooheon takes a deep shaking breath. “I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

Minhyuk picks up the remote and turns the TV off. “I thought you told me everything when you told me you were nineteen?” 

It hurts Jooheon the way Minhyuk sounds. Scared. Betrayed yet again. Jooheon wants to go back in time and hold onto what they had a little longer, but it’s too late for that. “I lied. I lied a lot, but I want to tell you everything this time.” Jooheon sits down, Minhyuk stays standing at the door, arms crossed over his chest. “I’m not homeless, or jobless. I actually was sent here by my boss. I work as a social worker and I was going to come here and gather enough evidence of child neglect to have you taken into a foster home until we located your parents.” Jooheon pauses to look up. Minhyuk’s expression is set in stone. Jaw clenched shut and eyes that held more emotion than Jooheon could handle to look at.

“At some point you became someone really special to me, someone I didn’t want to have to let go of at the end of the day. My friend, Hyungwon, he’s my boss. I lied to him a couple weeks ago, told him your parents were visiting family and you were legally allowed to stay home alone until they returned.” Jooheon pauses again, but doesn’t want to look up this time.

Minhyuk’s voice is loud when he speaks. “Why would you make that up?” Jooheon turns his head up, surprised with the sudden outburst. “My parents didn’t leave me here because they wanted to! You don’t even know them!”

“I-I’m sorry! I was going to find them! I spent all yesterday looking through local casinos and bars, I was going to find them and tell you where they were so we could live together and I could tell you everything! I was afraid you’d reject me or tell someone about this.” Jooheon finds himself crying, out of fear or out of how badly he hurt Minhyuk with his lies, Jooheon didn’t know. “Please, Minhyukkie, I wanted to tell you everything because I love you. I never meant… for all this.”

There’s anger in every breath Minhyuk takes, but he can’t express it right now. “Leave.”

Jooheon stands up. “Minhyuk…”

“Just go. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about your dirty little secret.” Minhyuk sneers.

“You were never a secret, that’s not what you are to me-”

“Go. And don’t ever come back. I never want to see you again.” Minhyuk opens the door and holds it until Jooheon walks out, slamming it closed.

Minhyuk turns the lock and runs to the window, moving the curtain just enough to watch Jooheon. He’s standing at the door still, crying into his hands. Minhyuk can’t stop bawling as he watches Jooheon walk slowly away.

He flicks the lights off and goes into his parents room. He looks around and picks up a photo. It’s of him and his mom. “Why...why did you go without me?” Minhyuk hugs it to his chest and lays down. The room smells like them, like the night Jooheon kissed him and held his bruised side.

Minhyuk throws the picture against the wall, shattering it. Minhyuk throws the pillows too. Jooheon was just another person that hurt him. This somehow hurt more than his parents leaving. Minhyuk had really believed Jooheon was here because he wanted to be.

What else did he lie about? Minhyuk didn’t even know if Jooheon was his real name.

All he knew as he cried himself to sleep is that he hoped the love Jooheon had given him was real. It was all he had now.

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“You’ve been sleeping in pretty late these days. Everything okay?” Kihyun’s mom asks as Kihyun makes his way downstairs. He’d gone home after stopping by Minhyuk’s and spent the rest of the evening throwing out Changkyun’s things and ignoring Hyunwoo's texts.

Kihyun nods sleepily. 

“Okay, well I’m heading out, there’s lunch in the fridge. Love you.” She waves goodbye and Kihyun sits on the couch.

He had a dream last night, Changkyun was in it but Kihyun couldn’t remember what happened. His mind felt fuzzy. Hyunwoo kept asking for him to come over, Kihyun ended up turning his phone off. Even though he now felt more comfortable knowing him and Changkyun were officially over, he wasn’t comfortable taking other peoples boyfriends.

Hyunwoo was Wonho’s and Kihyun had no right sneaking around with him.

The last thing Kihyun hears is his mom saying goodbye and the car pulling out of the driveway.

 

The doorbell rings and Kihyun snaps his eyes open. How long was he asleep for? The doorbell keeps ringing. Kihyun walks over and looks through the window. He sees Hyunwoo. Kihyun steps away and holds his breath. Should he answer? The doorbell rings again. 

Kihyun opens the door. “Hello.”

Hyunwoo looks surprised. “I didn’t think you were going to answer.”

“Sorry, I was upstairs so it took me a minute to get down here.” He lies. Hyunwoo nods and stares at Kihyun, Kihyun stares back until it feels awkward. “Do you need something?”

“I texted you.”

“My phone broke.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Kihyun mumbles. It’s an obvious excuse and the tension keeps building. Hyunwoo looks anxious and it’s making Kihyun nervous.

“Can I come in?”

Kihyun steps aside and lets Hyunwoo pass through. He shuts the door behind him and when he turns around Hyunwoo is only what feels like an inch away from his face.

“I want to kiss you, can I do that?” Hyunwoo whispers. Kihyun is caught off guard but finds himself nodding yes.

Hyunwoo doesn’t wait a second longer and pushes Kihyun against the closed door. Kihyun wraps his arms around Hyunwoo's broad shoulders as they make out. Hyunwoo’s hands running all over Kihyun’s body. Kihyun didn’t think anything could feel better than this. 

Then Wonho pops into his mind and Kihyun remembers his dream. It took place in his room. He was making out with Hyunwoo when Changkyun and Wonho entered the room. They both saw him all over Hyunwoo. Changkyun watched Kihyun cheat on him and Wonho starred as Kihyun kissed his boyfriend. It wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare.

“Wait!” Kihyun pushes Hyunwoo back, a little harder than he meant too, Hyunwoo looks shocked. “I can’t do this. You have a boyfriend.”

Hyunwoo looks stunned. Kihyun takes a moment to catch his breath and ignore his hard on. This wasn’t just some wet dream, it was reality. Kihyun didn’t want to be ‘the other guy’ and he definitely didn’t want Wonho to find out the way he had in Kihyun’s dream last night.

“So do you. I thought you were okay with.... this.” Hyunwoo leans against the back of the couch. 

“Changkyun left me. I didn’t really think he did, but now I know he’s not coming back.” Kihyun feels a little braver having said that out loud without feeling sad about it. “And I am okay with this, whatever _this_ is. Just not when Wonho is still involved.”

Hyunwoo nods his head slowly, taking in the new information. “Me and Wonho aren’t together like that. It’s kind of like we’re dating, but he’s also free to see other people, as am I.”

“Like an open relationship?” Hyunwoo nods. “Do you still like Wonho?”

Hyunwoo looks away. “Does that matter?”

“Yes. I want this, but I want all of it. Not just some of it.”

“Are you asking me to pick?” Kihyun nods. Hyunwoo walks towards the door. “I need to talk to Wonho.”

Kihyun moves out of the way and watches Hyunwoo make his way down the street. He feels better now, but a little worried that talking to Wonho might end what they had.

Maybe that’s for the best.

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Jooheon’s apartment is cold. He feels so tired, but he can’t sleep. He lay in his bed for awhile, then tries the couch, takes a hot bath, drinks some whisky he has stashed in his cupboard. Nothing was easing his mind from the fact that Minhyuk was gone from his life starting now.

He would never smell strawberries and smoke and smile, instead he would think of what he lost. What he once had. 

Minhyuk. 

Nothing made sense. Jooheon glances at the clock above his couch. It’s almost nine in the morning and he hadn’t got even a minutes worth of sleep. 

His cell goes off somewhere in his bedroom, but Jooheon doesn’t want to move, he was just starting to feel the relief of sleep beginning to take over him. It rings three more times so Jooheon throws the covers off of himself and makes his way to his bed.

It’s still ringing and Jooheon becomes impatient as he searches through the pillows to find the device. He finally locates it, answering in a monotone voice.

“Hello?”

_”Jooheon? What’s going on?”_

It’s Hyungwon and he really doesn’t feel like dealing with him droning on about a new case. He hadn’t even gotten over this one. Doesn’t know if he ever will. “Nothing, listen, it’s been a rough night. I need to sleep in some and I’ll call back when I’m up.”

_”No, this is urgent. I don’t know if what everything Minhyuk just told me is true, but if it is, we’re talking now. You can sleep later.”_

Jooheon’s heart catches in his chest, the room starts to spin around him.

Minhyuk told Hyungwon.

He drops his phone onto the bed. His throat is dry. Of course this would happen. Minhyuk was angry, he didn’t owe Jooheon mercy after everything he had done to him. This was his revenge.

_”Hello?”_

Jooheon snaps out of his trance and picks the cell up. 

_”Jooheon? Hello?”_

“Yes.”

_”Where did you go? Nevermind, just come over. I need answers.”_

“Ok.” Jooheon doesn’t know what else to say. There was nothing he could do at this point. If Hyungwon knew, then there was nothing to do about it now. As good of a friend that Hyungwon had been, he wouldn’t keep this just between them. Too many laws broken, too much damage done.

 _”Just tell me now.”_ Hyungwon pauses. _”Is it all true? What he told me you did?”_

Jooheon takes a breath. “What did he tell you?”

Hyungwon is silent for a moment. _”That you gave up on the case, his parents haven’t been found and you lied to me?”_

“Wait. Was that all he said?” Jooheon asks.

_”Yeah…. Why? Is there anything else you haven’t been honest with me about?”_

Jooheon feels overwhelmed. Minhyuk didn’t mention their relationship. But why? “No! No that’s everything. Um, how much trouble am I in?” 

_”We’ll discuss that when you get here. Be here in twenty.”_ Hyungwon hangs up and Jooheon has so many questions. 

Why didn’t Minhyuk tell Hyungwon everything? If the point was to get him into trouble, telling him about what they had would have done the most amount of damage. 

Jooheon can’t focus on that right now, he only has twenty minutes.

 

 

Hyungwon isn’t dressed yet, wearing plaid pajama pants and a matching buttons up sipping coffee at his kitchen table. He glances up as Jooheon enters the house, taking his glasses off and setting some papers down. As Jooheon gets closer and takes a seat he recognizes it as the paperwork he had forged and turned in just the other day.

“You know you’re lucky, right?” Hyungwon asks.

Jooheon is caught off guard by the question. He didn’t feel lucky at all. “How?”

“If I had turned this into the big boss there would be no taking it back. I still have it here and I plan to destroy it. Under two conditions.”

It’s unlike Hyungwon to be so serious, but Jooheon understands the circumstances.

“Okay.” Jooheon waits for Hyungwon to continue.

“One: you’re back on this case. You will not be taken off until you locate Minhyuk’s parents and get to the bottom if it. I don’t know what happened for you to want off it so badly, but you’re going to finish the job. I don’t care what it takes. When you’re done you’ll fill out new paperwork and that’s what I’ll turn in to the higher ups.” Hyungwon picks up the papers and waves them in front of Jooheon.

Jooheon doesn’t get it. “So… I get another chance? I’m not in trouble?”

Hyungwon waves a finger. “Ah-ah-ah, I didn’t tell you the second condition.” Hyungwon turns on the paper shredder that sits on the table. The quiet hum fills the pause. “When the case is closed I want you to formally quit. You’re not getting a new case and I don’t want to see you in the office at work again.” 

Jooheon feels his throat closing up. It had sounded too good to be true before, hearing this only made sense.

“You lied to me, almost cost me my job and worst of all,” Hyungwon continues “You didn’t help anyone. We don’t do this shit for fun. We’re here to help people when they need it most, not give up on them like the other people in their lives.” Hyungwon sounds as mad as he looks. “Do you understand?”

Jooheon can’t talk, so he nods. 

Hyungwon drops the papers one by one into the shredder. “Consider them gone.”

“Thank you.” Jooheon puts his head down. He wasn’t just losing a great co-worker, he was losing a friend. “And I’m sorry. I actually am, even if you think this is a lie too.”

Hyungwon watches Jooheon leave his house, maybe for the last time.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Kihyun is laying on his bed when there’s a knock on his bedroom door. “Come in.” Kihyun says dully thinking it was his mother and not looking up from the magazine he was reading.

“Hey.” Changkyun’s voice is quiet, but it’s like no other sound in the world.

Kihyun’s head snaps up. “What are you doing here?”

Changkyun steps into the room and Kihyun moves back. 

“You’re not scared of me, are you?” Changkyun answers his question with on of his own. “Kihyun… please, let’s talk.”

“Don’t come near me. Of course I’m afraid of you. You know what you did to me. You were sober that time.” Kihyun holds back tears. At least these we’re from anger and not from sadness. “You’re a monster.”

Changkyun looks actually surprised, not used to this cold, uncaring Kihyun that was before him. “I’m sorry-”

“I don’t care. We’re over, Changkyun.” Kihyun feels relief as he talks. “You can’t fix what you did.”

Changkyun stands there for a minute, then leaves without a word. Kihyun waits until he hears the front door close before running down the stairs.

He looks out the window and sees Changkyun walking away. 

Kihyun can happily say he doesn’t care where he’s heading.

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There’s something off about Jooheon’s place when he gets home, but he can’t think straight, he’s exhausted. He makes a bee line for his bedroom where he undresses and collapses onto his sheets.

The feeling is fresh and he can’t help but think nothing would make this more perfect than if Minhyuk was here.

Minhyuk.

He owed that boy everything now. If he hadn’t mentioned their relationship then that meant he still wanted Jooheon’s help. Even if that meant it was strictly business this time.

The thought that Jooheon would never get to hear Minhyuk say his name in a loving way or feel his warm embrace hurt more than he wanted it to. At least he would be able to see him again and talk, maybe even apologize. Not that Jooheon expected Minhyuk to not be mad anymore, saying sorry would help jooheon feel better though.

“Jooheon.”

Jooheon keeps his eyes closed as he turns to lay onto his side. He misses Minhyuk so much he could almost hear the blond haired boy. 

“Jooheon!”

This time Jooheon opens his eyes. That sounded _just_ like Minhyuk. Like he was…

“Behind you.”

Jooheon flips around so fast it makes his head spin. It was Minhyuk. Or what looked like him. Jooheon must be been so tired that he’s starting to hallucinate. He looks so real. Pouty pink lips followed by the perfect arrangement of barely-there freckles that went all the way up to his glowing brown eyes. 

“Stop staring at me and get dressed.” The Minhyuk hallucination tells him. Jooheon wants this to be real, so he plays into it, pretending this was reality.

“Why Minhyukkie? Where are we going?”

The hallucination blushes and turns away. “Don’t call me that. This doesn’t mean I forgive you. I just want to find my mom and dad.”

Jooheon smiles. That’s so sweet. It sounded just like something the real Minhyuk might have said…. “Minhyuk? Is..that you?” Minhyuk gives him a look like he’s stupid. “You’re real?”

“Are you high?”

Jooheon gets up, walks towards Minhyuk and stops. He doesn’t know when he starts crying, but he feels the hot tears fall. “I thought I’d never get to talk to you again. You were so mad… I thought this was a dream...I’m so tired.”

Minhyuk still has that look on his face. “I am so mad. Still. I need to find my parents though. You’re all I got.”

He can’t believe this is happening. Minhyuk found him, but how? “How did you get in here?” Jooheon is starting to think maybe this is a dream rather than a hallucination.

“I got your address from Hyungwon. Your door wasn’t locked.”

Jooheon lays back down. He was so tired he must have forgot. He needs to sleep. “Minhyuk, I’m really glad you’re here, but I need to rest. I drank a little too much and I haven’t slept since I left your house.” Minhyuk looks infuriated. “But! I promise, as soon as I wake up we’ll find them. Today, or tomorrow. Whenever I wake up. I swear I’ll make this right.” Jooheon didn’t know if he was talking about finding Minhyuk’s parents or making things right with Minhyuk. Either way, it was going to happen. 

“Fine. Come get me when you’re up, you know where to find me.” Minhyuk turns towards the door.

“Wait!” Jooheon feels like this is stupid idea, but he’ll do anything to get Minhyuk back. “You can stay here. While I nap. If you want. There’s no food, but my card is in my wallet in the living room, you can order anything you want.”

Minhyuk waits a moment, thinking. It looks like he’s going to say no.

“Or don’t, but if you do leave lock the door behind you please.”

Minhyuk leaves the room and Jooheon falls asleep. 

 

There aren’t a lot of personal items in Jooheon’s apartment Minhyuk notices as he walks around. There were no pictures, no letters in the pile of mail on the kitchen counter. The living room is empty besides a couch, some dead plants, a tv and some lighting fixtures.

Minhyuk would think it was a new place if he hadn’t seen the bathroom. There was dirty laundry all over the floor and spilled toothpaste in the sink. There was only one other room, the one where Jooheon was sleeping. 

He didn’t know if he’d be able to forgive him for lying so much and as of right now he definitely couldn’t trust him, but he wanted to find his parents. Ask them why they left him behind. Get answers.

The doorbell rings and Minhyuk runs to get it. He’d taken Jooheon up on his offer to buy lunch. And dinner. 

Hope Jooheon doesn’t mind he got one of everything off the thai menu.

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The sky is dark when Kihyun finishes dinner with his mom. He likes the black sky, it was full of anything you wanted, beautiful and mysterious.

Kihyun is outside, taking in the view of the sun disappearing when he feels his phone vibrate.

_from: hyunwoo_

_can we talk?_

Kihyun is nervous, but replies.

_to: hyunwoo_

_yes_

A few minutes pass by and the sun is completely gone when Kihyun gets another text.

_from: hyunwoo_

_I don’t want to leave wonho, but I don’t want to lose you_

Kihyun wants to throw his phone. What Minhyuk said to him pops into his mind. He didn’t need Changkyun or Hyunwoo.

_to: hyunwoo_

_i’ll choose for you. goodbye, hyunwoo_

Kihyun turns his phone off and sits in the moonlight. 

He didn’t even like Hyunwoo that much. Just liked that someone other than Changkyun cared about him. He wishes a little bit that Hyunwoo would have chose him. He misses kissing someone.

Maybe someone out there will miss Kihyun kissing them one day. And they can find each other.

Kihyun shakes the silly idea out of his head and goes inside feeling heavy at heart. The dark atmosphere was no longer beautifully mysterious, but rather lonely and cold.

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Jooheon wakes up with a start. His head is pounding as he runs out to the living room. Minhyuk is nowhere to be seen.

“Hello?” Jooheon calls out, looking into the bathroom for good measure. “Minhyuk?”

Jooheon notices a cluster of food boxes on his counter and walks over to it. There’s a note.

_Jooheon,_

_You left your phone out here, some girl from a casino called, she says my mom is staying at their hotel! I got the room number and she picked up. She says she misses me and she wants to move away from my dad with me. I don’t know why, but I’m too happy to care. I’m going to meet her at the airport, I stole some money from your card for a ticket, I’m sorry. Tell Kihyun I love him and I’ll miss him. I’ll come back some time. We’ll always be friends._

_Thank you Jooheon. For finding her. For my first kiss. For loving me._  
I love you,  
Minhyukkie 

 

Jooheon doesn’t know if he’s forgotten how to read or if his brain was still suffering from the lack of sleep.

Minhyuk was gone.

He’s mad at first, at Minhyuk, at himself. At the way this all played out. Then Jooheon remembers. Minhyuk is sixteen. He needs his mom. Minhyuk would be happier this way, so Jooheon should be happy too.

He should be.

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_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you if you read this whole messy thing<3 more changki coming soon. what did you like/hate/want more of? comments are always appreciated! thank you, whoever is reading this<3


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